Just Call Me Dear Abby-
Sunday about 20 minutes after the kids got home from their dads, my phone rang. It was him. He was calling to say that he doesn’t know what to do with the kids, especially Hively. Really that is funny, what could the problem be?
It seems that my children are not happy there and that Hively in particular is having issues dealing with the little half-brother there. (He is just over 2 and they as we know are 10 & 8.)
He said he needed advice on how to deal with this situation.
My advice was simple:
You have created this situation and you need to figure out a good solution.
You can’t expect older kids to want to spend a full 48 hours every 2 weeks playing with the baby.
You must recognize that Hively is a mini you and so you know his personality and how to deal with it better than anyone.
You also must recognize there will always be jealousy in that relationship and that is normal. The jealousy will be from both of them but even worse from Hively because the brother is a boy and he is also and it is hard for a boy to not have a dad around.
He did appear to understand all these things and agree with me mostly.
He went to this place though – I told them when I was a kid and my brother and sister were younger and they bothered me…..
At this point I had to cut in and say, “That is irrelevant here! You do that all the time and you don’t seem to get that this situation for them is different from any you had as a kid. He isn’t a brother that lives with them full time and that makes it different!” This is the same issue I had when he called asking me what to do about Hively because he had punched him in the nose while they were wrestling. He made the comment, “If I had done that to my dad…” I was again irritated because his dad was a full time live in role model and not a play mate which is essentially what Red and Hively’s father is to them. He is not seen by them as an authority figure. I can see where he doesn’t get this because he has been such a miniscule part of their lives for so many years. But that is all on him and he needs to at least be adult enough to realize these differences in their upbringing and his own.
Also we had a brief discussion about Red and how she was unhappy to be there. I explained that she doesn’t want to come there anymore. When every other Thursday rolls around, she begins the complaints about not wanting to go. These complaints last until the pick up the following evening. He asked why. I said she has a life and friends here at home and she’d rather be here doing things she enjoys than there bored and lonely.
Another thing I kept quite was…isn’t it funny that the incident back in September appears to have been a sort of breaking point for them both. I know they need a father and in the long run some relationship, no matter how minimal will only help them in discovering who they are. But, it seems that they are both done with these bi-weekly visits that they have been doing for the past 6+ years. And who could blame them?
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
You must run out and get yourself a 10 year old!
Really if you want to make it even better you’ll add a 7 ½ year old, like a cherry on top.J
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh
Check the Flickr to the left and you will see that my lovely daughter made me lunch today.
I LOVE Red! She is really, so wonderful.
She is such a good girl and she is always considerate of me and my feelings.
(Well usually! It used to be always, now it is when the tween isn’t rearing her ugly head.)
I am just so blessed to have her.
You can see that she not only made me a lunch to bring to work, she also made me a lovely card. She woke up early and did this for me while I showered and prepared for work.
I just adore her, if for no other reason…than for making me smile and for making me the envy of my co-workers.
Hively was having none of the being out-done. Once he realized she had this plan, he decided to tattle. “She is making you a sandwich, all by herself.” I fear he was crushed when I replied, “Oh? That is so sweet and kind. Bless her heart she is such a nice girl.”
So he quickly came up with a plan of his own. When I exited the shower and tried to enter my bedroom, there he was. “It is a present for you.” He had also made me a card and the gift was his OLD Game Boy color with dead batteries. What else could a mommy possibly want?
We then had a Mom’s Day Breakfast put on by all the first grade classes at school. There, in addition to breakfast we were all given a lovely book of coupons and a list of attributes we carry. Mine are listed below for your enjoyment.
Magical, Okay, Tremendous, Happy, Excited, Rockstar.
Yes, I am a magical rockstar but when I asked him, “Am I just okay?”
He replied, “Yes, you yell sometimes you know.”
I then asked, “Don’t you think all the moms here yell sometimes?”
He agreed, “Yeah, probably. All moms are just okay sometimes.”
Can’t you just feel the love and appreciation! He truly is a man in the making!
I found this quote that completely suits his prospective,
Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together. ~Pearl S. Buck
He just cracks me up. I don’t know what I’d do without him to keep me on my toes.
So just a little Happy Mommy Day to all you out there and especially to you gals with little bitty ones and no husbands who will recognize you like you deserve this weekend. Chin up. Remember eventually they will start school and get big enough to think of you on their own. (Even if they do still insist on pointing out that you aren’t perfect all the time.) And actually, them doing it themselves is even more rewarding if you ask me!
Birth and Death, all in one day.
I had the pleasure of scaling the gamut today. I was informed as I awoke that The Greek Goddess was in labor, at the hospital and trying to have her new baby. I then went to the funeral for the grandmother of one of my oldest and dearest friends. It was such a lovely service. My beautiful, strong, amazing friend got up and read a poem she had written about her grandmother who was essentially her best friend. I do not believe there was a dry eye in the room by the time she had read and the minister (a close friend of this woman) was done with her very personal and heartfelt eulogy.
When I got to my car following this lovely goodbye to a generous and caring human being, I had a voicemail message from the husband of my best friend (the above mentioned goddess) that they were the proud new parents of a new baby girl. This lucky baby joins her older sister in the family of these intelligent and compassionate people and I hope she will grow to know have much she is loved by many people.
So, a big day! To go from birth to death in the course of a day is a giant range of emotions. Also, causing a great deal of reflection. Reflection regarding God’s love and blessings. The realization that we are fortunate for many things in this life, none of these as great as love.
Are You Kidding Me?
I am trying to get into bed but I am so morose right now, I can not possibly sleep. I have just glanced out my window and what do you know? SNOW! I am not shoveling that crap! I am not wearing boots! I am not tiptoeing so the hem of my pants aren’t soaking wet all day! I AM NOT, I AM NOT, I AM NOT!
Surely God knows how tortured I am by all of this cold, frigid, whiteness that continues to surround me. My spirits need a real lift. I am seriously considering a bank heist to fund myself a long weekend trip to the Bahamas.
I can see it now…sun, warm and soothing on a white sandy beach and me as I just rest and relax and read a novel and don’t fix anyone dinner or try to find matching socks for anyone or argue with anyone regarding their bill or try to decipher any physicians scribbles or poor over surigical reports searching for the accurate codes. Just me and the sun enjoying the quiet, lullaby of the crashing waves.
Soon, soon it will be summer! Soon, I hope. God will send warm sunny days to Michigan and I can once again become a member of the living as opposed to the stir-crazy Jack Nicholson in The Shining type of person. All I know is if I hear Red or Hively say Red Rum to me even once, the bank heist is going to become a reality because I may be crazy but I am definately not too crazy to know that I am.
