The Obama’s Begin The Changes
Did y’all see the pic of Sasha Obama, age 7, peering out the window of the SUV in the Secret Service convoy? Apparently she was on her way to be dropped off at her new school to begin her second half of 2nd grade. She was last to be taken to school after her big sister Malia was left at her new 5th grade class. Sure their dad has a HUGE task ahead in trying to save this nation of ours from financial ruin, but those girls had a harder task yesterday, surviving the first day in a new school. I seriously had tears for these two little girls. Those big brown eyes full of that special mixture of excitement and fear just pulled at my heart strings. And I know it was probably all fine until her sister got dropped off and then she was left to be brave alone. This is how it would’ve been for Hively if he was left without Red to guide in through the doors of a new experience. Oldest children are always so much stronger than us younger ones. Is it because we become their responsibility the moment we are born into their world? Maybe it is because they have known an existence without us but we have never known one without them. Either way, the Oldest child has this role to uphold, to be stronger and braver than the younger in typical families and it is nice to see that the Obama’s are just that. Sure, these children have began the road to becoming the “First Kids” but they are still just kids all the same and I am hooing this transition is easy for them.
Just Call Me Dear Abby-
Sunday about 20 minutes after the kids got home from their dads, my phone rang. It was him. He was calling to say that he doesn’t know what to do with the kids, especially Hively. Really that is funny, what could the problem be?
It seems that my children are not happy there and that Hively in particular is having issues dealing with the little half-brother there. (He is just over 2 and they as we know are 10 & 8.)
He said he needed advice on how to deal with this situation.
My advice was simple:
You have created this situation and you need to figure out a good solution.
You can’t expect older kids to want to spend a full 48 hours every 2 weeks playing with the baby.
You must recognize that Hively is a mini you and so you know his personality and how to deal with it better than anyone.
You also must recognize there will always be jealousy in that relationship and that is normal. The jealousy will be from both of them but even worse from Hively because the brother is a boy and he is also and it is hard for a boy to not have a dad around.
He did appear to understand all these things and agree with me mostly.
He went to this place though – I told them when I was a kid and my brother and sister were younger and they bothered me…..
At this point I had to cut in and say, “That is irrelevant here! You do that all the time and you don’t seem to get that this situation for them is different from any you had as a kid. He isn’t a brother that lives with them full time and that makes it different!” This is the same issue I had when he called asking me what to do about Hively because he had punched him in the nose while they were wrestling. He made the comment, “If I had done that to my dad…” I was again irritated because his dad was a full time live in role model and not a play mate which is essentially what Red and Hively’s father is to them. He is not seen by them as an authority figure. I can see where he doesn’t get this because he has been such a miniscule part of their lives for so many years. But that is all on him and he needs to at least be adult enough to realize these differences in their upbringing and his own.
Also we had a brief discussion about Red and how she was unhappy to be there. I explained that she doesn’t want to come there anymore. When every other Thursday rolls around, she begins the complaints about not wanting to go. These complaints last until the pick up the following evening. He asked why. I said she has a life and friends here at home and she’d rather be here doing things she enjoys than there bored and lonely.
Another thing I kept quite was…isn’t it funny that the incident back in September appears to have been a sort of breaking point for them both. I know they need a father and in the long run some relationship, no matter how minimal will only help them in discovering who they are. But, it seems that they are both done with these bi-weekly visits that they have been doing for the past 6+ years. And who could blame them?
Baby Therapy – Administered By Kids Too.
I’ve had a pretty crappy week. Sure, my choice was elected president and aside from the fall out of the American economy I am employed but still, my week was less than successful! I read this post http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com/2008/11/baby-therapy.html over at one of my favorite blogs http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com. In which she speaks of life’s woes and how she will be spending a day in baby-therapy. I decided this was a lovely idea and since The Greek Goddess has not only baby therapy readily available, but also The Most Perfect Diva therapy she can off as well, so I left my job and headed to hers (yeah she is a stay at home mom and yes it is a job!) to be healed by this magical therapy she could offer me. Funny thing is it really works! I think Fat Bridesmaid is a frickin genius! Actually this has me thinking because I had such a horrible day on Monday that all I wanted to do was get to my kids. I knew that as soon as I saw them, I’d be better. And I was! I said to them as I pulled the car out of the school parking lot, “I am so happy to see you guys.” They looked at me like I had a third eye. I was so happy to see them and to be immersed in something that was important, in work that was worth while. To be with people who are important to me and always will be. I am so grateful for my children! They can be exhausting and too much work on most days, but they give me a purpose and meaning in life and for that, I love them every single day, but especially on the crappy ones!
Get to the polls and Make A Choice!
Hively came home with some baseball cards a buddy gave him, among them was a John McCain card. He made up a song to sing while he danced it around. It goes to the tune of Hail To The Chief:
You won’t be in the White House in January.
You aren’t going to win this election.
(Sure, it is short but sweet. Very, very sweet. Especially that he actually said Jan-a-wary, that was my favorite part of all. )
Red asked if you can keep running for The Office every 4 years or if there is a limit on how many times you can run. She also wanted to confirm that you can only serve two four year terms.
My point being, I am proud to be raising politically educated children. Sure they may grow up and vote for someone other than my choice but as long as they vote, I am proud. Voting is a privilege a lot of other countries would love to have. This is a privilege our ancestors fought for; especially our African American and woman ancestors.
So yes, I was up at 5:30 and at my polling place at 6:40 am and I gladly stood there and waited because I appreciate that I live in a democracy and I get a say in who I want to lead my country.
Do the same today – OK!
If you need assistance in http://www.govote.org/ is a great site. Just enter your zip and you get all the info you need.
You have until 8pm so get going!
Oh – and when you are done, don’t forget to collect your swag!
Starbucks – a free tall coffee, Krispy Kreme – a free doughnut and Ben & Jerry’s – a free scoop.
Innocence Lost! – Explaining Abortion to a 10 year old.
I am not a Dooce fanatic as MANY are! But I do enjoy her wit and check in on her weekly
(as opposed to daily where I go here: http://abrightfuture.wordpress.com/, here: http://mssinglemama.com/, and here: http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com/, and even here: http://mandysthirtysomethingblog.blogspot.com/)
to see if I can get a good chuckle. So it had to be divine intervention that I happened over to Dooce yesterday and caught this post…
http://www.dooce.com/2008/10/17/why-any-woman-who-intends-vote-mccain-should-reconsider
I say divine intervention because on Sunday evening I had an eye opening experience about just how wide spread & downright ugly this presidential campaign has gotten.
As we drove down the main road leading to our sub, and approached the corner of the side street we turn on to get into our street, there he stood. An older man in his late 60’s who I have seen there before. In any other situation I may think him a kind gentleman (because I have a soft spot for old men), grandpa type who I could just hug on and love. But in this situation, he stands at this fairly busy intersection holding a few signs stating, ABORTION IS MURDER, MCCAIN PALIN, PRO CHOICE IS PRO MURDER OF BABIES. You get the point! (I was a tad irate. Not because I support Obama but because this man was making a scene on publically owned property and if he wants to do so on his property that he owns that is alright. I myself have an Obama sign in my yard and I do not begrudge anyone that right, or their right to their opinion on whom the best candidate is. But not on public property while obstructing traffic at a heavily congested intersection!) So, as I pass his car (covered in signs & stickers also) I jotted down his license plate number. My intention to call the local police and ask them to speak to him, because I do not think his obstructing traffic with his political agenda is acceptable.
This is about where it began…
RED: That is not even true!
ME: What do you mean?
RED: THAT! What he says! It isn’t true.
ME: What isn’t true?
RED: I know what that is.
ME: [speechless]
RED: I know, and I know that is not the truth!
ME: Okay honey, tell me what you know.
RED: That Luke kid (a boy she was forced to do an assignment with – in which they had to pick a political candidate and do a fact finding paper on them. He threw a tantrum and insisted on McCain, she was upset because she wanted Obama.) said Obama says it is okay to murder babies and McCain says it is wrong.
ME: [still dumbstruck] What?
RED: And Emily said NO, Obama says it is between the woman and her doctor.
ME: What is between the woman and her doctor?
RED: When the baby is born, the woman and her doctor should get to decide if they kill it.
ME: OM MY GOD! NO! NO HONEY, NO! That is NOT what that is.
RED: [thoughtfully silenced] oh, okay.
ME: Neither John McCain or Barack Obama say it is okay to kill a newborn baby! That would never be allowed in this country. NEVER!
ME: This is why 10 year olds don’t need to be even thinking about stuff like this. You are all too young to understand this and you don’t need to worry yourselves with these issues. These are adult issues you don’t need to worry about. You need to not be talking about this anymore with the other children. Okay.
I kind of left it at that until last night when I had processed what had actually taken place and I felt I needed to explain further, from a more educated and prepared point of view.
ME: Honey you know abortion has nothing to do with killing newborn babies right.
RED: I did think that but now I know it isn’t that.
ME: You know last year when we discussed the way a baby is formed? The egg inside the mom, and the sperm that comes from the dad?
RED: [as she plugs her ears] EWWW, Yeah, Quit, Don’t Talk About IT!
ME: Well, that is when an abortion is done, when the two of them have just merged into each other.
RED: Okay.
ME: There are reasons for this. We believe God intends for every baby to grow inside the mommy and become a child. But there are reasons why this may be hard for some people. Some people who maybe aren’t ready to have a baby or whose baby may be sick if it is born. And that is what Obama thinks the woman should have a right to decide. But NEVER, EVER, EVER do they kill a newborn baby, that is NOT EVER allowed.
RED: Okay.
ME: Okay, and if this is brought up by other kids again just walk away and don’t talk about it. Also if you have questions about these things, please just ask me and we will clear it up for you. Okay.
RED: Okay.
That was the best I could do. My baby was walking around think woman and doctors just lightly decide to murder, innocent, beautiful, perfect little newborn babies! I was sad that I had to go this far in a discussion that I never wanted to have until she was closer to adulthood. With this one single conversation, my child was pushed a far way over that line where childhood ends. They are 10. They are just 10 years old! At 10, I was still playing with Barbie and making cakes in my Easy Bake Oven! Sure, it was 1984, Ronald Reagan along with Bush Sr. were running against Walter Mondale and Geraldine Ferraro. It was exciting because it was the first woman in the race ever. But, the media wasn’t so out of control and even though I was being raised by a Michigan Union Worker with a strong work ethic accompanied by an even stronger passion for the Democratic ticket, I was sheltered from all the ins and outs of the campaign. As most children I heard conversations between the adults in my life about why Mondale was better for the middle class and how Reagan was only going to help the rich. These were mere snippets though. There was no CNN that had a minute by minute debate blaring in the background for months and months on end, discussing every point from ever single Tom Dick & Harry that wanted to say how they see it. When we had classroom talks about the candidates and when we were assigned fact finding reports, there was no internet on which to do research. The facts we were given to sort through were all hand picked and looked at by the adults; before we ever saw them. And in my life, the teacher and my parents pretty much agreed on what I could be exposed to and what I couldn’t. Unlike today when the majority of parents are very open with their children and are happy to treat them as mini adults. It was a very different world back then and I am not prepared to raise a child in this new world.
All this comes on the heals of another issue. A different little boy told Red last week that she needs to be on a calendar supporting Lesbian Month with a picture of her and another little girl making out. Also, this left me disgusted and speechless! What are these parents discussing in the presence of them? Does no one at all support me in the pursuit to keep my children innocent as long as possible?
Right now, I am hating 5th grade! I do know enough to know this is only the beginning. And this leaves me just plain sad!
Parents are the bones on which children sharpen their teeth. -Peter Ustinov
Tooth decay was a perennial national problem that meant a mouthful of silver for patients and for dentists a pocketful of gold. ~Claudia Wallis
I am poor. My children are toothless. As a result, of this toothlessness, I have no $green$!
Seriously! This is an issue people.
At Hively’s last dental cleaning, I asked the dentist to look at his bottom front teeth. There was a fully grown-in permanent tooth behind his baby tooth. It was all crooked and bad looking. The dentist said it was fine and the baby one would come out. I questioned this because I always thought the permanent pushed the baby one out and if that hadn’t happened, how would the baby tooth come out all on its own? (It wasn’t even loose.) Red had a Dr. Ortho Donto (her term for him) appointment the next week and since Hively was with us I chose to just ask his quick opinion. He said, that baby tooth absolutely needs to come out so the permanent tooth can move into its appropriate space. He kindly wrote me an instructional note to give the dentist regarding his professional opinion. We made the return appointment, we saw him, he wasn’t happy that I had questioned him, I am sure this was a blow to his ego but I had to do what was best for my child right? Hively had the tooth pulled and it was a bad experience. Poor kid he was scared to death and it hurt. When the tooth was out, it was about 1.5 centimeters long. The roots on that thing were so long, it was obvious to me that it wouldn’t have ever come out on its own. A few weeks later, the $50 bill came in the mail. Usually his dental coverage is great and covers all things. But apparently not tooth pulling, when the mom insists on it. Most likely, because the dentist is offended by such a mom as this.
Since this incident, Hively has had his two front teeth hanging on for months. He refused to eat favorite foods, to smile, to brush them; he basically refused to do anything that would result in them falling out. No matter how many times we discussed the tooth fairy and money and the benefits of pulling them. Nope he wasn’t touching them and he wasn’t even opening his mouth so we could touch them either.
On Tuesday as I sat at work, my cell rang. It was the school office. Just calling to let me know that Grant had been hit in the mouth with a soccer ball and was now front toothless. I think the caller expected me to be concerned. I laughed. I was not concerned, I was relieved! I don’t have $100 bucks lying around to pay the Egotistical Dentist to pull them out. The only unfortunate part of the story was that he lost the teeth, in tall grass on the playground. He and his friends tried to locate them, but they were gone. He was very concerned that the tooth fairy wouldn’t come because the evidence was lost. (I fell asleep!) He forced me awake and had a very angry look! She hadn’t come! (Shit! I am a crappy mother! Tired and crappy! Not a “magical rockstar” moment for me!)
So, I smoothly said oh wait it is over here and he bought it. Or he was so happy to get $10 he pretended to be conned. So he is 10 dollars richer, I am poorer still but at least it was cheaper than the dentist pulling them.
Last night I rushed them off to bed, because I wanted to watch Survivor. After the, I love you’s & sleep goods, were over. I sat down to watch a Gabon elephant encroach upon the Fang camp. Then, Red pops up and into the bathroom. Next thing I know…”HA, HA” she cries! “I did it! I pulled it out!”
WHAT?
Another $5 to a kid and no lunch money for mom!
Don’t these little monkeys and their monkey teeth know we are in a recession?
I keep saying “He tried to kill my son.” But it wasn’t like that…..exactly.
This ordeal was exhausting to live and is just as horrible to document so it is parts…
PART 1
It all began a week ago Friday (9/13/08). Well, actually Thursday night. Hively came home with a tad bit of a sniffle. On Friday we woke and shoved off to begin the day. The kiddos went to school and I to work. Around 10am my cell rang and it was Diana at Kel El calling to say Hively is in the office and he doesn’t feel well.” I say alright, his grandma will be there to get him. So G-Ma Joy and Pope pick him up and they go off to shop at Meijer’s. I call and ask about him, she says he is fine just a bit of a cold and he doesn’t feel like schooling it all day. I say cool and proceed to work. It had been arranged that his bff would come over after school and his mom would be over around 530 to collect him before their (Red & Hively) father arrived at 6 to pick up for his bi-monthly visitation weekend. I called to inform the boys mother that Hively had come home and I would still get her son when I got Elana. (She had a work engagement which is why I was getting the bff in the first place.) As I leave work I call G-Ma and ask if I should get Hively before the other kids or after. She says she will meet us at our house because his cough has produced a slight wheeze and she will give him a breathing treatment before we get there. When we arrive home he is fine and she was unable to locate the Nebulizer so he didn’t have a treatment. All fine, he sounds alright and we are unconcerned. He plays with his pal for over an hour and at 530 his father pulls into the drive. I go out to tell him that he is too early and Hively has a friend over. We discuss that Hively has a bit of a cold and I ask if he has a Nebulizer and Albuterol for it (his father also has Asthma). He says he does but to send Albuterol in case he doesn’t have any of that. So, I do this.
SIDE NOTE 1: I hate to send my children away when they are ill. I myself hate to be away from home sick and I know they do to. They only “visit” at their dad’s house and my house is their “HOME.” Plus they are little kids and I know I take the best care of them when they are sick because that is my job as their mommy. So I was very torn about sending them with him but the way this date was working out, I felt I had to. Their father had planned a trip out of town on his next scheduled weekend and if they didn’t go that time it would have been very long between visits.
After I go back into my house I tell Hively his dad has arrived and I need him to do a breathing treatment before he goes. He does as his buddy and he watch an episode of FlapJack and Red goes out to show her father her new Clarinet. Hively finishes the treatment and claims it hurt his chest (that is not a common complaint). I kind of think he is just a bit rushed but mostly fine. He really isn’t wheezing any and seems to be breathing fine. The mother of the friend picks him up and the kids leave with their dad. (After I get Hively a garbage bag because his dad is concerned the chest pain will cause him to vomit.)
The father lives just under an hour away. About 3 hours later I call to check on Hively. The phone isn’t answered. I leave a message stating that I am just calling to check on Hively because the chest pain thing made me nervous and if they can call and let me know he is okay, I would appreciate it. I get no return call. On Saturday I try twice to call and check on him again. There is no answer or return call either of these times. I am unsettled. I have a bad feeling. I sleep badly Friday and Saturday nights. I wake early on Saturday morning (I am a notorious late sleeper. That is my favorite thing about the Saturday the kids go to their dads, I sleep LATE.) I am nervous about his health. He wasn’t even bad, he only had a cold. There should be nothing to be worried this much over. Yet, I am very uneasy. (I do not call during His time with them normally. He has so little time with them; I never try to encroach upon his time. However in a special situation like this, I do not feel an answer or return call to assure me my child is fine is too much to ask. I know this man. Too well. I feel his lack of response to my calls is a controlling mind game that he plays on purpose, to keep me anxious and nervous.)
SIDE NOTE 2: All single parents with primary custody, who have to send their kids off to visitation with the other parent will understand when I say, I have been doing this long enough to know that I have no control over what happens in His home. Short of blatant neglect or abuse, I have no ground to object or complain about what He does with them during His time. I have been doing this long enough that I have come to terms with my lack of control over this situation. I have had to put a tremendous amount of trust into this situation with this man who I do not trust at all. I have HAD to put my most precious belongings in his care and I have to trust he will care for them properly.
Sunday morning arrives and I am woken by my cell ringing at 8am.
It is Him: “Hively is really sick.”
ME: (half awake) “Okay.”
HIM: He keeps saying he wants to come home.
ME: BRING – HIM – HOME!
HIM: Well, I’m just going to take him to the Urgent Care and get him a breathing treatment.
ME: Didn’t you do those at home?
HIM: Well, I did yesterday and I left the room and came back and wasn’t doing them very good. He was alright yesterday, we went to Chuck E. Cheese, and he threw up a couple of times. But he wasn’t wheezing too badly. He slept good last night, all night long, but he sounds bad now. I’ll just take him to the Urgent Care.
ME: If he wants to come home, you can just bring him home.
HIM: No, I’ll take him and get him a couple breathing treatments.
ME: Alright, call me back and let me know when he is better.
It is Sunday, I am up. I am a bit of a nervous wreck. I take a shower and get ready church. My phone never rings. I go to church and I keep my phone on vibrate. As soon as the preacher gets into the podium my phone vibrates. There is a message. I see it is from him and I immediately call him back.
HIM: They are admitting him.
ME: WHAT? WHY?
HIM: I don’t know, it’s really not that bad. I’ve been here for treatments and never been admitted. I can’t believe they are going to keep him.
ME: Okay, well, will they let you leave there and come here? Tell them you can have him in the ER here in 45 minutes, I will meet you there.
HIM: I’ll ask and call you back.
I go back into the church auditorium; I get my purse and whisper to G-Ma Joy what is happening. We leave. She heads home to change, and I do the same. On the way to my house my phone rings again.
HIM: They say no. He would have to go by ambulance and we’d have to pay for that.
ME: Alright then, I’m on my way.
HIM: He’s really not that bad.
ME: Okay, well, I’m on my way! I’ll be there within the hour.
HIM: He is really fine, this is ridiculous.
ME: I’ll be there soon!
I run in my house. I change into jeans. I throw sweats and a sweatshirt into a duffle bag. I throw, his Nintendo DS and games, about 5 of his favorite DVD’s and his portable DVD player into a bag. Oh, and Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer into the bag and fly out the door. I call G-Ma Joy and repeat what he said. She says she will follow me there in her car so she can get Red and come back home with her. As we merge onto the freeway, my phone rings again…it is him.
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
You must run out and get yourself a 10 year old!
Really if you want to make it even better you’ll add a 7 ½ year old, like a cherry on top.J
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh
Check the Flickr to the left and you will see that my lovely daughter made me lunch today.
I LOVE Red! She is really, so wonderful.
She is such a good girl and she is always considerate of me and my feelings.
(Well usually! It used to be always, now it is when the tween isn’t rearing her ugly head.)
I am just so blessed to have her.
You can see that she not only made me a lunch to bring to work, she also made me a lovely card. She woke up early and did this for me while I showered and prepared for work.
I just adore her, if for no other reason…than for making me smile and for making me the envy of my co-workers.
Hively was having none of the being out-done. Once he realized she had this plan, he decided to tattle. “She is making you a sandwich, all by herself.” I fear he was crushed when I replied, “Oh? That is so sweet and kind. Bless her heart she is such a nice girl.”
So he quickly came up with a plan of his own. When I exited the shower and tried to enter my bedroom, there he was. “It is a present for you.” He had also made me a card and the gift was his OLD Game Boy color with dead batteries. What else could a mommy possibly want?
We then had a Mom’s Day Breakfast put on by all the first grade classes at school. There, in addition to breakfast we were all given a lovely book of coupons and a list of attributes we carry. Mine are listed below for your enjoyment.
Magical, Okay, Tremendous, Happy, Excited, Rockstar.
Yes, I am a magical rockstar but when I asked him, “Am I just okay?”
He replied, “Yes, you yell sometimes you know.”
I then asked, “Don’t you think all the moms here yell sometimes?”
He agreed, “Yeah, probably. All moms are just okay sometimes.”
Can’t you just feel the love and appreciation! He truly is a man in the making!
I found this quote that completely suits his prospective,
Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together. ~Pearl S. Buck
He just cracks me up. I don’t know what I’d do without him to keep me on my toes.
So just a little Happy Mommy Day to all you out there and especially to you gals with little bitty ones and no husbands who will recognize you like you deserve this weekend. Chin up. Remember eventually they will start school and get big enough to think of you on their own. (Even if they do still insist on pointing out that you aren’t perfect all the time.) And actually, them doing it themselves is even more rewarding if you ask me!
They Deserve Better.
Speak to me oh master of the stars, (or as you may know them, Yahoo Horoscopes).
Seriously this is mine for today. After the way things in my life have been going, there couldn’t have been any more fitting advice from any source possible!
You can try to teach someone who’s rigid to be more flexible, but do not get too disheartened if that stubborn friend, family member or coworker shows little if any sign of ever loosening up! Their failure is not your fault. See, in order to learn to be flexible, people have to be ready to be flexible. They have to be able to see things from other people’s perspective, to walk a mile in their shoes. This person needs empathy to start to relax their up-tight attitude.
So, it is not me?!? I am being flexible and open minded enough? It isn’t that my instincts are off or that my perspective is inaccurate?
One back in October, 2001 I visited an advisor. My main question was this, “What do I do when I feel like every time I try; I walk into a brick wall?”
Her advice, “Turn around and walk away from that wall.”
Sure this seems like simple advice but for some reason it kept eluding me. The answer was so remedial and looking me in the face but I just didn’t see it. Less than a month later on November 1, 2001, that is essentially what I did and I can honestly say my days have ALL been better since.
This is my dilemma for today; why is it that if a women who has been scorned and has turned and walked away from her furry and moved on with her life can not ever be free of this circumstance? Unfortunately when you share children with someone, they NEVER really go away! They are there in your children’s lives frustrating them and you with their choices. Continuous frustration by “the wall” that is still there. So, this woman can have moved on but her frustration for what is done to her children and her frustration for what her children should have but don’t, this frustration is ALWAYS chalked up to “she (you) just hasn’t gotten past being left and she (you) need to move on.”
Listen! F*CK THAT! I have moved on and I am happy in my life. I live well and have great pride in all the things I have accomplished since that first day of November all those six and a half years ago! Sure hell may hath no furry, but there is nothing to say that the furry doesn’t subside and give way to an acknowledgement that life is better without a controlling, manipulative, abusive person around on a daily basis.
There is however one thing that upsets me, saddens me, angers me and will ALWAYS for the rest of me years sicken me!
“My children have a crappy dad and they are perfect and wonderful and they deserve better than they have gotten!”
Burnt.
So you can be burnt in many ways (as a human, as toast there is only one way heehee). I have probably been through them all and survived no worse for the wear. Burnt by another person as in when your unfaithful spouse abandons you with 2 babies to raise on your own. Burnt by the sun because you are too damn fair to be out watching boats or tennis without freshening up your sunscreen. Burnt by an employer who works you to death with little to no rewards or happens to issue you a dismissal right before they take credit for your work. Or there are those times when all or some version of these things descends upon you and you are basically “BURNT OUT.”
This is where I find myself currently. I am exhausted with kids fighting, kids homework, teacher notes, parent input, illness, work stress, laundry pile up, exhaustion from lack of sleep, money woes, pushy people who can’t comprehend single parenting and many other issues that seem to have closed in on me lately.
Let’s look specifically at the topic regarding school issues. From the informants I have in education, I have been told I should expect 10 minutes of homework per night, times the grade level. So, my first grade son Hively, should have an average of 10 minutes of homework per evening and my fourth grade daughter Red, should have 40 minutes. Let me put this mildly as to avoid blowing your minds…they have WAY MORE than these minimal standards. It is not that their teachers are so focused on education that they feel this will enhance their learning and help them love school. It is that the time in school hours is being used on art, music, spanish, chinese, and gym. In addition to lunch hour, recess and any rare assembly time. I do support art and music, I support foreign language also, I just don’t think there is enough time in their 7 hour school day for so much special interest. I just don’t feel there is enough focus on the basics and by basics I am referring to reading, writing, math and science. So the result is mountains of work, unfinished in the classroom sent home for me to help with for hours a night (in reference to the work sent for Red; usually it arrives without instruction and I myself am unable to comprehend what the teacher is looking for).
Today there was a straw, a mere minor straw that broke this big ole camels back!!!!! Hively came home with a note that said he is having issues in reading and it is an issue in the “phonics” department, it went on to say that “we” as in ME need to be working on this with him in addition to all the other work. Just a side bar for the record, I do this already! I READ TO MY CHILDREN AND WITH MY CHILDREN. I HAVE DONE THIS DAILY SINCE THEY WERE IN MY WOMB!!!!!!!!!!!
(Sorry but that someone insinuates otherwise is offensive to me.)
This child is at the higher end of intelligence. He does get this from his father actually. No, I am not an ignorant person, I just do not retain information like he and his father do. He can retain information like facts, dates, and numbers that astound me. However since the beginning of 2008 we have been having issues with him not wanting to write during independent writing times and not reading up to his ability. I have tried to communicate with the teacher that I would like the missed writing assignments to be completed at school and not sent home. I have suggested that though there is a punishment at home for not cooperating in class, maybe a more immediate consequence would be more effective. My suggestions are along the lines of: missing recess or a special class like gym that he truly enjoys. I have requested that he be made to sit in the principals office and complete the assignments and maybe this would have a stronger impact. I have also inquired if she feels this may be an attention issue with him, as these instances happen during independent time when he is expected to focus and self motivate himself to work. There is no behavioral issue here; this is merely a work ethic issue. He has been in this exact school for almost 3 full years now. If this “phonic” reading issue is in fact the problem, I hold that school responsible. This is the first I have heard of him having a phonics issue and up until the beginning of this year; we have done sight work flashcards nightly along with OUR NIGHTLY READING! So why is this a new issue? Is he not getting the attention he needs in class? Is there not a “reading support” teacher who can work with him? WHY?????????? Is this the first I am hearing of this “phonic” issue now at the end of first grade. I personally think the school…this particular school…is failing him! My first plan of action is to contact the principle in the morning and request a meeting with him and the teacher because if this is an issue, his school and his staff have let my child fall behind and I expect it to be repaired before his second grade year begins. Yes, I am willing to support them and do my part but it seems to me the issue is that they need to support me and do their part.
Why this straw, you are asking? Well, because this comes on the heels of all of us being struck with the stomach flu for about 10 day, Red turning 10 which was hard for me, her first slumber party with 12 friends included, the announcement that this is puberty week and she will be seeing the sex ed/puberty video on Friday and I had to have The Talk with her (because I wanted the info to come from me initially, and this is a whole post in itself), a school vocal concert and then this.
This camel is off to bed now and when I return if there is any teacher and/or parents who can give me advice on this Hively issue, please do comment because I need some input here. And if there are people who simply take pity on me for all this b.s. I am buried in; please just say a prayer for my sanity because I honestly feel it slip sliding away.
