Tried to kill my son – Part 3
CONCLUSION:
I need to wrap this up as the first visit since this ordeal commences tonight at 6pm! UGH! You all need to pray for my babies as they are gone over the next 48 hours. And for me, the mama sitting at home and trying to function through my fear for them.
AHH – Justice System who has the best interest of my minor children in mind – how I love thee!
As Red and Hively talked the tale unraveled, and I was left with nausea.
On Friday night, Hively had been unable to sleep but just lay on the couch (because neither if them have a room there and he has no bed there) and flipped through television channels for hours (WHAT? What channels honey? Have y’all seen what can be found on a cable channel in the wee hours?) before daddy came to check on him. My children have always told me that they will never go get their dad if they wake in the night. They fear being in trouble from their step-mother because going into get their father may wake the brother who does have a bedroom located adjacent to theirs.
On Saturday they went to Chuck E. Cheese (this is why you should avoid this place with your off spring! Especially on the weekends when “part-time” parents go there because they are the “fun” parent). Hively says he made a few trips to the restroom while there because he thought he was going to throw-up. He also says that while in the over-head climber he couldn’t move around because he couldn’t breathe. Back at the homestead, there was an incident where Hively did throw-up. He was yelled at and had paper towels thrown at him and was made to clean up his own vomit. He was followed around with Lysol and everything he touched was sprayed down, as well as requiring him to obsessively wash his hands and stay away from the little brother there. Then on Saturday evening around 9pm Red gave Hively her bed to sleep in for the night. He was coughing and coughing. (I have been the primary care giver for 8 years of his life. For 6 of those he has had diagnosed Asthma. I am confident if I had heard that cough I would have known it as his “asthma cough”. This cough is when I step in and intervene with a puffer, with a breathing treatment, with a doctor visit.) Red proceeds to tell me that while this coughing was going on, the step mother said (something along the lines of), “Great, how are any of us going to get any sleep tonight with that going on?” Yes, that is right. My child was in respiratory distress and she was concerned about her beauty sleep.
On Sunday morning is when I was called and this story began. Except for the minor detail where Red was left at the house with the step mother and brother. They went to get the step mother some breakfast from Burger King (no, not my daughter, just herself.) When my son was admitted his father called there to tell her to bring Red up to the hospital so I could get her back home. She had her sister-in-law come over to keep the brother and when they were talking something was said about me to the effect of why would I be mad about having to come over there and the step mothers response was, “who knows it’s HER, SHE gets mad about EVERYTHING.” In front of my daughter who was already scared and nervous because her brother was so very sick, adding to her anxiety to be worried about me and was I going to be upset when I arrived there.
These people are a joke! After I came home and was SO PISSED! I would not talk to my ex. And he KNEW why. But it took him a few days to come out and ask if I had a problem. I simply said I did but I needed time to calm down before discussing it. He then proceeded to harass me into talking then and there and I proceeded to not answer my phone because it was in EVERYONES best interest for me to cool off before the discussion took place.
As I said at the beginning of this conclusion, the next visit is upon us so this week I had the discussion. Where, I tried to remain non-accusatory and non-confrontational. Where, he denied any wrong doing, going as far to say he would do nothing different. Where, he denied a lot of the things both children said happened. Where, he even went further and called back for a second discussion because he asked his wife about her comments and place in this story and she also denied saying any of these things. And finally where he accused me of feeding these tales to my kids and could I please not do such things because he is their father and he does love them and he would do anything for them.
Yes, this man truly believes he is in the right in this story. This man truly believes he and his wife are “GOOD” to my babies. This man truly believes that “claiming” to love someone and “claiming” you will do anything for them are enough, that actual actions are just a bi-product.
So the tale is done and over I hope. We have made a mutual agreement that if my children are sick they can just stay home and if they get sick while in his care he will contact me and bring them home. We will just have to wait and see how long that holds out…….…and pray!
– PRAY A LOT!
Tried to kill my son – PART 2
He was calling to tell me that the hospital staff is saying they will be keeping my son for at least 48 hours. Great! I didn’t pack for 48 hours. Why so long? But still he insists all is really fine and they are just over reacting.
I am fine to buy this and convince myself this is truth as I drive there because it is an hour trip and I can only get there as fast as my car will go.
I arrive, and my baby is in a room. He is being given constant oxygen, Albuterol treatments every 2 hours and steroids through an IV every 12 hours. Plus a constant Potassium drip because apparently that much Albuterol causes your system to empty of Potassium making a constant replenishing necessary.
In the room are my son, my daughter, my ex-husband and his wife. Shortly after I arrive my ex-in-laws arrive as well. Also close by is my son’s nurse. She conveniently happens to be my ex-husbands new wife’s close friend. (When we divorced, I was faced with the option to stay in my ex’s home town where we had built our life up to that point, or go back to my home town where my family was. I knew I was not prepared to live in a town where I had to see these exact people on a daily basis. All of these people are THE reason I packed up my 2 babies 6 years ago and got the heck out of dodge!)
I keep asking the nurse if 48 hours is necessary because I just want to leave this nightmare and get my son back to his own doctors and our home town. I am going on the belief all along that my ex is right and these people are over reacting. She (the dear friend of the woman who stole my husband and my children’s father resulting in destroying our family) finally looked at me and said, “He isn’t going to leave here before Tuesday. He is a very sick little boy.” That is kind of when I got the first clue that this was all a bit more severe than I was being led to believe. Still, I am stuck in this surreal situation where I am alone with my sick child surrounded by my ex and his family.
Since Hurricane Ike was sending torrential down pours our way that evening, my mom got Red and headed back home. I stayed. My ex who has never been a selfless person says to me, “I can stay here tonight if you need to go home and sleep or go to work tomorrow, I can stay.” I just brushed this off because I wasn’t going anywhere. Later I came to realize this was his guilt surfacing. Guilt that he had let my son get so sick he ended up in the hospital. More on that later…
My ex-mother-in-law is a kind enough woman who offers me to please come to her home and shower and nap if I need to. I thank her and let her know I may do just that. My ex-father-in-law is a very ignorant man who chose this time we had together to make numerous comments on diet and exercise. Comments, that he meant discreetly, but were actually just as bad as if he had sat there, calling me a “fat-ass” while I was in one of the most stressful situations of my life. This should not have been surprising to me due to the fact that when my ex, his son, left me with two babies for a sleazy, tramp he had been sleeping with since my son was about 9 months old, he felt it acceptable to tell me a story of a man who asked his advice on how to get a wife and he told him to lose weight and clean himself up and that turned this mans life around and he got a wife and was well and happy. Once again, a little tale to avoid just coming out and saying, it was okay for him to leave you because you got too fat! Actually, one of the biggest fights my ex and I ever had (and there were some pretty BIG ones!) was over his father speaking rudely about his sister-in-laws weight. This was in the early days of our marriage and I was much thinner at the time but I found this highly offensive and I made the mistake of taking up for this woman and against my ex-father-in-law and my ex was so furious it led to a huge fight between us. This is a simple little snippet of the events I experienced and why it was so awful that my son had to be hospitalized there of all places.
The next day after very little sleep and being woke up about every hour. My ex and his father both arrived to sit all day with us again. His mother was at her home babysitting his and his wife’s son. This would be my children’s half-brother. After waking at about 7 and waiting for the doctor to come until 1130, I realized that because we weren’t at our hospital and our doctor wasn’t coming and I was waiting for a staff doctor who was seeing all new patients, I might as well go and get a shower because the doctor wasn’t coming in anytime soon. And I needed to get away from those two men!
I got to my car called my mom and boo-hooed like a baby! This was the worst experience of my life and it was only half over. My son was sick, my ex had allowed him to get this bad, I was stuck in a town I hate surrounded by people who I wasn’t comfortable with and I was exhausted. I then called my sister who said she’d be there the next morning. They both just listened and encouraged me but it wasn’t as good as having them with me.
I had to go to the store and buy something to change into because I hadn’t expected 48 hours. I then went to my ex-mother-in-laws house to shower. She offered a nap, I said no thanks. She offered food and food money, I said no thanks. She insisted, I said no really I have my own money. She insisted again so I took it and got a sandwich. (I bet her husband wouldn’t have advised that. Me eating I mean!)
I went back to the hospital and stayed. Hively was better, the doctor had been in and didn’t have any new news. Things got better, Hively improved and on Tuesday morning my sister came to sit with me. God bless her! I honestly can’t tell you when I have been happier to see somebody. Hively was happy to see her too. He interacted more when it was just he and I or when she came than all the time they were there in the room with us. Later that morning when the doctor came in he released us to leave. HOME! We were heading home.
We got home and got settled, we beat Red home from school and then when she got home we went to my moms for dinner. This is where the story of Friday night and Saturday began to unfold. A story that had been told and kept from me until I was home; away from the targets of my wrath!
I keep saying “He tried to kill my son.” But it wasn’t like that…..exactly.
This ordeal was exhausting to live and is just as horrible to document so it is parts…
PART 1
It all began a week ago Friday (9/13/08). Well, actually Thursday night. Hively came home with a tad bit of a sniffle. On Friday we woke and shoved off to begin the day. The kiddos went to school and I to work. Around 10am my cell rang and it was Diana at Kel El calling to say Hively is in the office and he doesn’t feel well.” I say alright, his grandma will be there to get him. So G-Ma Joy and Pope pick him up and they go off to shop at Meijer’s. I call and ask about him, she says he is fine just a bit of a cold and he doesn’t feel like schooling it all day. I say cool and proceed to work. It had been arranged that his bff would come over after school and his mom would be over around 530 to collect him before their (Red & Hively) father arrived at 6 to pick up for his bi-monthly visitation weekend. I called to inform the boys mother that Hively had come home and I would still get her son when I got Elana. (She had a work engagement which is why I was getting the bff in the first place.) As I leave work I call G-Ma and ask if I should get Hively before the other kids or after. She says she will meet us at our house because his cough has produced a slight wheeze and she will give him a breathing treatment before we get there. When we arrive home he is fine and she was unable to locate the Nebulizer so he didn’t have a treatment. All fine, he sounds alright and we are unconcerned. He plays with his pal for over an hour and at 530 his father pulls into the drive. I go out to tell him that he is too early and Hively has a friend over. We discuss that Hively has a bit of a cold and I ask if he has a Nebulizer and Albuterol for it (his father also has Asthma). He says he does but to send Albuterol in case he doesn’t have any of that. So, I do this.
SIDE NOTE 1: I hate to send my children away when they are ill. I myself hate to be away from home sick and I know they do to. They only “visit” at their dad’s house and my house is their “HOME.” Plus they are little kids and I know I take the best care of them when they are sick because that is my job as their mommy. So I was very torn about sending them with him but the way this date was working out, I felt I had to. Their father had planned a trip out of town on his next scheduled weekend and if they didn’t go that time it would have been very long between visits.
After I go back into my house I tell Hively his dad has arrived and I need him to do a breathing treatment before he goes. He does as his buddy and he watch an episode of FlapJack and Red goes out to show her father her new Clarinet. Hively finishes the treatment and claims it hurt his chest (that is not a common complaint). I kind of think he is just a bit rushed but mostly fine. He really isn’t wheezing any and seems to be breathing fine. The mother of the friend picks him up and the kids leave with their dad. (After I get Hively a garbage bag because his dad is concerned the chest pain will cause him to vomit.)
The father lives just under an hour away. About 3 hours later I call to check on Hively. The phone isn’t answered. I leave a message stating that I am just calling to check on Hively because the chest pain thing made me nervous and if they can call and let me know he is okay, I would appreciate it. I get no return call. On Saturday I try twice to call and check on him again. There is no answer or return call either of these times. I am unsettled. I have a bad feeling. I sleep badly Friday and Saturday nights. I wake early on Saturday morning (I am a notorious late sleeper. That is my favorite thing about the Saturday the kids go to their dads, I sleep LATE.) I am nervous about his health. He wasn’t even bad, he only had a cold. There should be nothing to be worried this much over. Yet, I am very uneasy. (I do not call during His time with them normally. He has so little time with them; I never try to encroach upon his time. However in a special situation like this, I do not feel an answer or return call to assure me my child is fine is too much to ask. I know this man. Too well. I feel his lack of response to my calls is a controlling mind game that he plays on purpose, to keep me anxious and nervous.)
SIDE NOTE 2: All single parents with primary custody, who have to send their kids off to visitation with the other parent will understand when I say, I have been doing this long enough to know that I have no control over what happens in His home. Short of blatant neglect or abuse, I have no ground to object or complain about what He does with them during His time. I have been doing this long enough that I have come to terms with my lack of control over this situation. I have had to put a tremendous amount of trust into this situation with this man who I do not trust at all. I have HAD to put my most precious belongings in his care and I have to trust he will care for them properly.
Sunday morning arrives and I am woken by my cell ringing at 8am.
It is Him: “Hively is really sick.”
ME: (half awake) “Okay.”
HIM: He keeps saying he wants to come home.
ME: BRING – HIM – HOME!
HIM: Well, I’m just going to take him to the Urgent Care and get him a breathing treatment.
ME: Didn’t you do those at home?
HIM: Well, I did yesterday and I left the room and came back and wasn’t doing them very good. He was alright yesterday, we went to Chuck E. Cheese, and he threw up a couple of times. But he wasn’t wheezing too badly. He slept good last night, all night long, but he sounds bad now. I’ll just take him to the Urgent Care.
ME: If he wants to come home, you can just bring him home.
HIM: No, I’ll take him and get him a couple breathing treatments.
ME: Alright, call me back and let me know when he is better.
It is Sunday, I am up. I am a bit of a nervous wreck. I take a shower and get ready church. My phone never rings. I go to church and I keep my phone on vibrate. As soon as the preacher gets into the podium my phone vibrates. There is a message. I see it is from him and I immediately call him back.
HIM: They are admitting him.
ME: WHAT? WHY?
HIM: I don’t know, it’s really not that bad. I’ve been here for treatments and never been admitted. I can’t believe they are going to keep him.
ME: Okay, well, will they let you leave there and come here? Tell them you can have him in the ER here in 45 minutes, I will meet you there.
HIM: I’ll ask and call you back.
I go back into the church auditorium; I get my purse and whisper to G-Ma Joy what is happening. We leave. She heads home to change, and I do the same. On the way to my house my phone rings again.
HIM: They say no. He would have to go by ambulance and we’d have to pay for that.
ME: Alright then, I’m on my way.
HIM: He’s really not that bad.
ME: Okay, well, I’m on my way! I’ll be there within the hour.
HIM: He is really fine, this is ridiculous.
ME: I’ll be there soon!
I run in my house. I change into jeans. I throw sweats and a sweatshirt into a duffle bag. I throw, his Nintendo DS and games, about 5 of his favorite DVD’s and his portable DVD player into a bag. Oh, and Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer into the bag and fly out the door. I call G-Ma Joy and repeat what he said. She says she will follow me there in her car so she can get Red and come back home with her. As we merge onto the freeway, my phone rings again…it is him.
