When I was 14…

We all hung out at her house. We ate Cheerios like they were going out of style. We snuck out with boys after her mom was asleep. We always gathered up there and watched movies there or went out and then we’d all sleep over. It was a weekly thing, that was where the slumber party was every weekend. She was beautiful! A true blonde haired, blue eyed, petite little thing. She left behind a little girl and a husband and many others who loved her dearly. So sad. I am so sad!

Hey Little Girl Scout Can I Buy A Cookie?

Red answers the phone and says:

No I’m not selling cookies.

No I don’t have a Troop.

No I haven’t had one all year.

Her father of coarse!  Why would he know this tidbit about her life?  That would require communication that meant something.  That would require him having an interest in “her” life!

When she hung up, she said he told her to be sure and bring him her cell number so he can call her.  I have issue with this.  Why does he need to be calling her on her cell using up the minutes on our contract?  All while I am footing the bill!  He knows the house number, he needs to call her here. Dumb ass!  Doesn’t he realize the only reason I broke down and agreed to give my 10 year old a cell phone is because he nearly killed her brother 3 months ago while they were in his care?  And so she can be in contact with me during all the difficult visits they have to attend there.  So sad – but so true!

Is My Tone In Tune?

More on the music topic…I have made a dire mistake with my children.
I have not exposed them to enough music.
I love music. All music. All types and genres. I always have.
I remember at 10 years old, I used to blast Madonna and choreograph dance routines in my back yard.
As a teen I envied my best friend because her parents had a music library – literally! And each family member took a day and on that day, they were allowed to choose the album that would be background music while they ate family dinner.
I can find peace in a lovely jazz composition, an upbeat rock jam can lift my whole world, and I can find humor in many southern lyrics.
I have always loved music. (One of the very rare things the ex and I actually had in common.) So how can we have produced two children who have no musical taste or appreciation at all?
I have pondered about this question. Seriously, I’ve obsessed over it for awhile now. Why? They have no need for music; like there father and I do. If I am in a music-needing mood, I will turn the radio to what I want to hear. If I get complaints asking for a different station, I am happy to oblige. I try to support any interest they have. But the request is often for No Radio – at all. How is this possible?
I have a theory of what has caused this. 100% of the blame for this falls on me! So, here it is – In the car, we talk…About? Life. About who was being mean, what was for lunch, if all class work got done at school, what happened at dads, where so-in-so went shopping for new clothes, the substitute teacher in the other class…and everything in-between.
And as we chat, I turn the radio off.
I do this to give my full attention to them. I always use this time as a forum to discuss most issues we need to get out in the open (our family dinner table just doesn’t seem to get us to this level of discussion like our family automobile does). In my attempts to keep good communication with my children, I have failed them.
They have no music appreciation and that should’ve been built up for all these years. While we were talking we should have been listening to some tunes! I am a bad parent.

Country Radio

Thursdays are usually Country radio days in my office.  To the disdain of my Manager.  But to the enjoyment of all the others.  I’m cool with this for the most part.  Sure I’d love a rock/alternative day but, apparently Ethel scares them too much!  The other choice I lean towards is jazz but they say it puts them to sleep.  Too bad so sad for me right.   I am not a fan of Garth Brooks.  I actually think him an ass.  (Actually a huge ass who cheated on his wife with Trisha Yearwood for YEARS!)  Some of his songs are enjoyable listening though and back when I was 20, one was brought to my attention.  I had broke up with my ex-husband (then bf) and my sister gave me the words to this tune… Garth Brooks, Unanswered Prayers (Album NO FENCES) Just the other night a hometown football game My wife and I ran into my old high school flame And as I introduced them the past came back to me And I couldn’t help but think of the way things used to be She was the one that I’d wanted for all times And each night I’d spend prayin’ that God would make her mine And if he’d only grant me this wish I wished back then I’d never ask for anything again She wasn’t quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams And I could tell that time had changed me In her eyes too it seemed We tried to talk about the old days There wasn’t much we could recall I guess the Lord knows what he’s doin’ after all And as she walked away and I looked at my wife And then and there I thanked the good Lord For the gifts in my life Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs That just because he may not answer doesn’t mean he don’t care Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers Some of God’s greatest gifts are all too often unanswered…prayers I like this song.  Every time I hear it I am taken back to a place in time when I had many options before me.  However, as a young adult, I could only see a few of them and that is so sad.  (Why is it in youth was are so unable to see that the world is a huge open book to us?  I see this in other 20ish people and I just want to shake them and say – “Do It ALL!  You will never get these chances again!”)   My sister, I love her dearly!  Now as I look back, from these eyes of a 34 year old single mom, having been left alone to raise my 2 angels, I know where she was going when she gave me these lyrics.  Encouragement!  She was saying that dumping the (then too) cheater on his ass was a great instinct and that she felt I should go with that.   Unfortunately for me, I was a thick-headed and weak hearted young soul and I did not take her (wise) advice.

Blaming Winter (and the SAD it induces)

I am in a FUNK!

I am unmotivated to produce.

I actually put a positive spin on a problem The Greek Goddess was having and went so far as to propose a positive alternative to a negative situation.

I want to be in a different place. Not physically per say but mentally for sure.

It is one of those times when I find myself wishing for fulfillment of lost dreams.

How did I end up here? In this life? I fell into it! And I wish I had made more planned out and plotted choices as opposed to just leaping and landing – or crashing as it feels right now.

I have: ants in my pants, wanderlust, hit a wall, need of adventure, stopped!

The Obama’s Begin The Changes

Did y’all see the pic of Sasha Obama, age 7, peering out the window of the SUV in the Secret Service convoy? Apparently she was on her way to be dropped off at her new school to begin her second half of 2nd grade. She was last to be taken to school after her big sister Malia was left at her new 5th grade class. Sure their dad has a HUGE task ahead in trying to save this nation of ours from financial ruin, but those girls had a harder task yesterday, surviving the first day in a new school. I seriously had tears for these two little girls. Those big brown eyes full of that special mixture of excitement and fear just pulled at my heart strings. And I know it was probably all fine until her sister got dropped off and then she was left to be brave alone. This is how it would’ve been for Hively if he was left without Red to guide in through the doors of a new experience. Oldest children are always so much stronger than us younger ones. Is it because we become their responsibility the moment we are born into their world? Maybe it is because they have known an existence without us but we have never known one without them. Either way, the Oldest child has this role to uphold, to be stronger and braver than the younger in typical families and it is nice to see that the Obama’s are just that. Sure, these children have began the road to becoming the “First Kids” but they are still just kids all the same and I am hooing this transition is easy for them.

2009 – Bring It!

Happy 2009 to you all!
I have been so busy with the Holidays I haven’t been able to keep up with the blog. Plus my home computer got a virus and has been in the crapper so that limited my available time to post. I have a ton to discuss and will be working it all out here in the next week or so. I still need to get the home computer back to working so bear with me while I try to accomplish that. I’m telling you, if y’all know any computer geeks who are single send them my way because my next husband has to have that on his resume!
Enjoy the rest of you Holiday weekend and if you get a chance, leave me a comment and tell me all about your holidays. Tell me what presents you got, what traditions you upheld or started and what resolutions you have already broken (or kept). Have a great 2009 everyone!

2008 Hasn’t Been a Friend To Me.

2008 stared off with a -BANG-! 

In January my father had spinal surgery and his nerve damage was so extensive he still walks with a limp that will probably be permanent from here on out.  From visiting him in the hospital and the nursing facility after that, my mother and I caught a flu bug that left us lying on the bathroom floor begging to die.  In early February a dear old friend who had been my college roommate died suddenly one morning.  The impact of that event on my life was most profound as it caused me to face my own mortality at only 33 years old.  The spring progressed smoothly and then in June my niece went to stay with my other sister and it didn’t work out too well.  As a result it caused a family rift that has still not been completely repaired.  You have all read the tale of September here (all 3 parts).  There have been some ongoing school/learning issues with Hively and this has caused quite a bit of daily stress and anxiety on he and I.  The doctor office visits for the learning issues on top of the allergist and pediatrician for the asthma and hive troubles are enough to break my bank account and get me disciplinary action for missing more than my 12 allowed days off a year.  YES – I said 12, total allowed out of 254 work days.  This is 12 days for illness, personal or vacation – TOTAL!  (Not to be obvious about what part of my yearly review I wasn’t happy about or anything.) 

All of these instances have occurred since the year began.  All of these are part of life and part of what cause me to hit my knees in prayer for strength, wisdom and comfort.  Into every life a little rain must fall.  With out trials how would we ever appreciate the rewards?  As we head into the holiday season this is the time when I always reflect on the year.  This year the reflection makes me mostly sad.  I assumed this was enough for one year, I was wrong. 

Just over a week ago my parents received a call, their best friend, the man who introduced them to each other way back in 1958, the man who married my mothers best friend the same time my parents were married, the man who was raised on the farm adjacent to my fathers and was more like a brother to him than a friend, passed suddenly of a massive heart attack Sunday afternoon.  He had been to the hospital with chest pains and they sent him home telling him to not be concerned.  Now he is gone and his family is mourning instead of celebrating their thankfulness and decorating a tree.  My father’s sister called to tell them.  They are both so sad about this.  They had plans to leave for their hometown on Monday morning and they would stay through next week.  There was no funeral; this man had beliefs that required immediate burial.  I am sure the journey through the past and all the memories they shared with him will be a hard one.  It was a hard thing for me back in February so I can relate.  I know coming face to face with his wife and his children/grandchildren, will be heartbreaking.  However, my father will now have to face all of this alone.  Their plans were not meant to be because my mother has had a severe stomach ache for the past few months and found out at the end of the week that her gallbladder needs to come out.  She has an appointment next week to meet with the surgeon and pick a surgery date, before the end of the year. 

At this point there are 36 days left until this year ends.  I think I will create one of those paper chains to count down these days because I plan to have a huge party on January 1, 2009.  I learned a long time ago to never say things can’t get worse, because they always can!  And, don’t get me wrong - I am grateful for many things that happened this year.  I am always grateful for another day to spend with my children even on the days they drive me batty!  I am grateful I still have both my parents and that they are so helpful and giving to me and my children!  I am grateful to have a job that pays most of my bills, even on the days I have to drag myself to get there, force myself to remember this is a blessing, want to take a day off but can’t, look closely at my bank account for this reminder.  I am a very fortunate person and I have infinite more blessings than many people.  But this year they have been deeply buried inside of tragedies and so I am looking for 2009 to have blessings that are more obvious and in my face.

I hope you all have a wonderful 2009 as well.

Just Call Me Dear Abby-

Sunday about 20 minutes after the kids got home from their dads, my phone rang.  It was him.  He was calling to say that he doesn’t know what to do with the kids, especially Hively.  Really that is funny, what could the problem be?

It seems that my children are not happy there and that Hively in particular is having issues dealing with the little half-brother there.  (He is just over 2 and they as we know are 10 & 8.) 

He said he needed advice on how to deal with this situation.

My advice was simple:

You have created this situation and you need to figure out a good solution.

You can’t expect older kids to want to spend a full 48 hours every 2 weeks playing with the baby.

You must recognize that Hively is a mini you and so you know his personality and how to deal with it better than anyone.

You also must recognize there will always be jealousy in that relationship and that is normal.  The jealousy will be from both of them but even worse from Hively because the brother is a boy and he is also and it is hard for a boy to not have a dad around.

He did appear to understand all these things and agree with me mostly. 

 

He went to this place though – I told them when I was a kid and my brother and sister were younger and they bothered me…..

At this point I had to cut in and say, “That is irrelevant here!  You do that all the time and you don’t seem to get that this situation for them is different from any you had as a kid.  He isn’t a brother that lives with them full time and that makes it different!”  This is the same issue I had when he called asking me what to do about Hively because he had punched him in the nose while they were wrestling.  He made the comment, “If I had done that to my dad…”  I was again irritated because his dad was a full time live in role model and not a play mate which is essentially what Red and Hively’s father is to them.  He is not seen by them as an authority figure.  I can see where he doesn’t get this because he has been such a miniscule part of their lives for so many years.  But that is all on him and he needs to at least be adult enough to realize these differences in their upbringing and his own.

 

Also we had a brief discussion about Red and how she was unhappy to be there.  I explained that she doesn’t want to come there anymore.  When every other Thursday rolls around, she begins the complaints about not wanting to go.  These complaints last until the pick up the following evening.  He asked why.  I said she has a life and friends here at home and she’d rather be here doing things she enjoys than there bored and lonely.

 

Another thing I kept quite was…isn’t it funny that the incident back in September appears to have been a sort of breaking point for them both.  I know they need a father and in the long run some relationship, no matter how minimal will only help them in discovering who they are.  But, it seems that they are both done with these bi-weekly visits that they have been doing for the past 6+ years.  And who could blame them? 

Baby Therapy – Administered By Kids Too.

I’ve had a pretty crappy week.  Sure, my choice was elected president and aside from the fall out of the American economy I am employed but still, my week was less than successful!  I read this post http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com/2008/11/baby-therapy.html over at one of my favorite blogs http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com.  In which she speaks of life’s woes and how she will be spending a day in baby-therapy.  I decided this was a lovely idea and since The Greek Goddess has not only baby therapy readily available, but also The Most Perfect Diva therapy she can off as well, so I left my job and headed to hers (yeah she is a stay at home mom and yes it is a job!) to be healed by this magical therapy she could offer me.  Funny thing is it really works!  I think Fat Bridesmaid is a frickin genius!  Actually this has me thinking because I had such a horrible day on Monday that all I wanted to do was get to my kids.  I knew that as soon as I saw them, I’d be better.  And I was!  I said to them as I pulled the car out of the school parking lot, “I am so happy to see you guys.”  They looked at me like I had a third eye.  I was so happy to see them and to be immersed in something that was important, in work that was worth while.  To be with people who are important to me and always will be.  I am so grateful for my children!  They can be exhausting and too much work on most days, but they give me a purpose and meaning in life and for that, I love them every single day, but especially on the crappy ones!