2008 Hasn’t Been a Friend To Me.
2008 stared off with a -BANG-!
In January my father had spinal surgery and his nerve damage was so extensive he still walks with a limp that will probably be permanent from here on out. From visiting him in the hospital and the nursing facility after that, my mother and I caught a flu bug that left us lying on the bathroom floor begging to die. In early February a dear old friend who had been my college roommate died suddenly one morning. The impact of that event on my life was most profound as it caused me to face my own mortality at only 33 years old. The spring progressed smoothly and then in June my niece went to stay with my other sister and it didn’t work out too well. As a result it caused a family rift that has still not been completely repaired. You have all read the tale of September here (all 3 parts). There have been some ongoing school/learning issues with Hively and this has caused quite a bit of daily stress and anxiety on he and I. The doctor office visits for the learning issues on top of the allergist and pediatrician for the asthma and hive troubles are enough to break my bank account and get me disciplinary action for missing more than my 12 allowed days off a year. YES – I said 12, total allowed out of 254 work days. This is 12 days for illness, personal or vacation – TOTAL! (Not to be obvious about what part of my yearly review I wasn’t happy about or anything.)
All of these instances have occurred since the year began. All of these are part of life and part of what cause me to hit my knees in prayer for strength, wisdom and comfort. Into every life a little rain must fall. With out trials how would we ever appreciate the rewards? As we head into the holiday season this is the time when I always reflect on the year. This year the reflection makes me mostly sad. I assumed this was enough for one year, I was wrong.
Just over a week ago my parents received a call, their best friend, the man who introduced them to each other way back in 1958, the man who married my mothers best friend the same time my parents were married, the man who was raised on the farm adjacent to my fathers and was more like a brother to him than a friend, passed suddenly of a massive heart attack Sunday afternoon. He had been to the hospital with chest pains and they sent him home telling him to not be concerned. Now he is gone and his family is mourning instead of celebrating their thankfulness and decorating a tree. My father’s sister called to tell them. They are both so sad about this. They had plans to leave for their hometown on Monday morning and they would stay through next week. There was no funeral; this man had beliefs that required immediate burial. I am sure the journey through the past and all the memories they shared with him will be a hard one. It was a hard thing for me back in February so I can relate. I know coming face to face with his wife and his children/grandchildren, will be heartbreaking. However, my father will now have to face all of this alone. Their plans were not meant to be because my mother has had a severe stomach ache for the past few months and found out at the end of the week that her gallbladder needs to come out. She has an appointment next week to meet with the surgeon and pick a surgery date, before the end of the year.
At this point there are 36 days left until this year ends. I think I will create one of those paper chains to count down these days because I plan to have a huge party on January 1, 2009. I learned a long time ago to never say things can’t get worse, because they always can! And, don’t get me wrong - I am grateful for many things that happened this year. I am always grateful for another day to spend with my children even on the days they drive me batty! I am grateful I still have both my parents and that they are so helpful and giving to me and my children! I am grateful to have a job that pays most of my bills, even on the days I have to drag myself to get there, force myself to remember this is a blessing, want to take a day off but can’t, look closely at my bank account for this reminder. I am a very fortunate person and I have infinite more blessings than many people. But this year they have been deeply buried inside of tragedies and so I am looking for 2009 to have blessings that are more obvious and in my face.
I hope you all have a wonderful 2009 as well.
Baby Therapy – Administered By Kids Too.
I’ve had a pretty crappy week. Sure, my choice was elected president and aside from the fall out of the American economy I am employed but still, my week was less than successful! I read this post http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com/2008/11/baby-therapy.html over at one of my favorite blogs http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com. In which she speaks of life’s woes and how she will be spending a day in baby-therapy. I decided this was a lovely idea and since The Greek Goddess has not only baby therapy readily available, but also The Most Perfect Diva therapy she can off as well, so I left my job and headed to hers (yeah she is a stay at home mom and yes it is a job!) to be healed by this magical therapy she could offer me. Funny thing is it really works! I think Fat Bridesmaid is a frickin genius! Actually this has me thinking because I had such a horrible day on Monday that all I wanted to do was get to my kids. I knew that as soon as I saw them, I’d be better. And I was! I said to them as I pulled the car out of the school parking lot, “I am so happy to see you guys.” They looked at me like I had a third eye. I was so happy to see them and to be immersed in something that was important, in work that was worth while. To be with people who are important to me and always will be. I am so grateful for my children! They can be exhausting and too much work on most days, but they give me a purpose and meaning in life and for that, I love them every single day, but especially on the crappy ones!
FRIENDS & FAMILY – Fridays
So in the spirit of attempting to write everyday. I bring you my new Friday segment, “Friends & Family”.
My thought is since Friday is the day for FUN! Looking forward to the weekend and down time we all spend with friends and family, I will use Fridays to focus on these people in my life in some way.
Today I am posing a question regarding Friends. I would LOVE some input from you internet. So here we go: Is it possible to be and remain close friends with someone who is a co-worker? I have personal experience with these situations. I look at it this way, I spend an exorbitant amount of time closed up in a room with these people. It is impossible to not become involved with each others back grounds and daily lives. Seriously, it is not only possible but probable that we will see and interact with these people more in a week than we do our family members. Now for your opinions…please!
That Which I Can Not Change…
What is the old AA chant?
You know, the philosophy on which the program is based.
Hold on now I must look it up……. God Bless Wikipedia!
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
So it is a mantra (A commonly repeated word or phrase, or a sacred verbal formula repeated in prayer or meditation). It is titled the “Serenity Prayer.” This prayer is used in AA as a way of reminding members that they really have no control over their universe, only over themselves and their own actions and thoughts, their own reactions to thoughts.
So what? I say all this as a precursor to my topic. The topic being that I need to accept the things that happen around me (at home, at work, driving my car) that I can not change.
I speak of a specific issue where the actions of someone else are irritating me to a boiling point.
This is effecting my disposition. I need to rise above. I know this wise person who exists in The Hub with me and they are very Zen. I wish I could figure out how to get to that state within myself. The place where I see something I don’t like but I am capable of accepting that I can not change it.
In my logical mind, I accept that I am powerless over this world and all the things that are going to happen in it. I just can’t seem to convince my fighter mind that the logical side is right and that my fighter should shut up and listen to it. (You know how touchy fighters can be;)
So no, I am not an AA member and I have never had a personal problem with alcohol but I am slightly control freak based. I try real hard to keep my own little insignificant world running smooth and sitting right upon its axis. I just need to accept that I can only keep things controlled to such a point and then it is in the hands of God.
Accept the things I can’t change! It will help life in my world be brighter! God will work out the kinks!
KA POW! BOOM BOOM! …take that fighter side!
Burnt.
So you can be burnt in many ways (as a human, as toast there is only one way heehee). I have probably been through them all and survived no worse for the wear. Burnt by another person as in when your unfaithful spouse abandons you with 2 babies to raise on your own. Burnt by the sun because you are too damn fair to be out watching boats or tennis without freshening up your sunscreen. Burnt by an employer who works you to death with little to no rewards or happens to issue you a dismissal right before they take credit for your work. Or there are those times when all or some version of these things descends upon you and you are basically “BURNT OUT.”
This is where I find myself currently. I am exhausted with kids fighting, kids homework, teacher notes, parent input, illness, work stress, laundry pile up, exhaustion from lack of sleep, money woes, pushy people who can’t comprehend single parenting and many other issues that seem to have closed in on me lately.
Let’s look specifically at the topic regarding school issues. From the informants I have in education, I have been told I should expect 10 minutes of homework per night, times the grade level. So, my first grade son Hively, should have an average of 10 minutes of homework per evening and my fourth grade daughter Red, should have 40 minutes. Let me put this mildly as to avoid blowing your minds…they have WAY MORE than these minimal standards. It is not that their teachers are so focused on education that they feel this will enhance their learning and help them love school. It is that the time in school hours is being used on art, music, spanish, chinese, and gym. In addition to lunch hour, recess and any rare assembly time. I do support art and music, I support foreign language also, I just don’t think there is enough time in their 7 hour school day for so much special interest. I just don’t feel there is enough focus on the basics and by basics I am referring to reading, writing, math and science. So the result is mountains of work, unfinished in the classroom sent home for me to help with for hours a night (in reference to the work sent for Red; usually it arrives without instruction and I myself am unable to comprehend what the teacher is looking for).
Today there was a straw, a mere minor straw that broke this big ole camels back!!!!! Hively came home with a note that said he is having issues in reading and it is an issue in the “phonics” department, it went on to say that “we” as in ME need to be working on this with him in addition to all the other work. Just a side bar for the record, I do this already! I READ TO MY CHILDREN AND WITH MY CHILDREN. I HAVE DONE THIS DAILY SINCE THEY WERE IN MY WOMB!!!!!!!!!!!
(Sorry but that someone insinuates otherwise is offensive to me.)
This child is at the higher end of intelligence. He does get this from his father actually. No, I am not an ignorant person, I just do not retain information like he and his father do. He can retain information like facts, dates, and numbers that astound me. However since the beginning of 2008 we have been having issues with him not wanting to write during independent writing times and not reading up to his ability. I have tried to communicate with the teacher that I would like the missed writing assignments to be completed at school and not sent home. I have suggested that though there is a punishment at home for not cooperating in class, maybe a more immediate consequence would be more effective. My suggestions are along the lines of: missing recess or a special class like gym that he truly enjoys. I have requested that he be made to sit in the principals office and complete the assignments and maybe this would have a stronger impact. I have also inquired if she feels this may be an attention issue with him, as these instances happen during independent time when he is expected to focus and self motivate himself to work. There is no behavioral issue here; this is merely a work ethic issue. He has been in this exact school for almost 3 full years now. If this “phonic” reading issue is in fact the problem, I hold that school responsible. This is the first I have heard of him having a phonics issue and up until the beginning of this year; we have done sight work flashcards nightly along with OUR NIGHTLY READING! So why is this a new issue? Is he not getting the attention he needs in class? Is there not a “reading support” teacher who can work with him? WHY?????????? Is this the first I am hearing of this “phonic” issue now at the end of first grade. I personally think the school…this particular school…is failing him! My first plan of action is to contact the principle in the morning and request a meeting with him and the teacher because if this is an issue, his school and his staff have let my child fall behind and I expect it to be repaired before his second grade year begins. Yes, I am willing to support them and do my part but it seems to me the issue is that they need to support me and do their part.
Why this straw, you are asking? Well, because this comes on the heels of all of us being struck with the stomach flu for about 10 day, Red turning 10 which was hard for me, her first slumber party with 12 friends included, the announcement that this is puberty week and she will be seeing the sex ed/puberty video on Friday and I had to have The Talk with her (because I wanted the info to come from me initially, and this is a whole post in itself), a school vocal concert and then this.
This camel is off to bed now and when I return if there is any teacher and/or parents who can give me advice on this Hively issue, please do comment because I need some input here. And if there are people who simply take pity on me for all this b.s. I am buried in; please just say a prayer for my sanity because I honestly feel it slip sliding away.
A Holiday To Remember…
Red says, “I wish even if you and daddy are divorced you would get along.”
I verbally reply, “yeah, that would be good.”
I mentally reply, “Maybe if your dad was good to you and Hively and deserved any amount of respect from me on the job he does with you two, that would happen. Maybe if he arranged for you to both have a bed at his house much less a room there. Maybe if he took you to see the Easter Bunny with his “new” child instead of mailing you pictures of him at the mall with Mr. Bunny. Maybe if he planned his little trips out of town on a weekend when he didn’t have you or arranged to be in town to spend his holidays with you. Maybe if he loved you enough, even more, at least as much as I do, the way a parent should love their children, maybe then we could get along. But it just aint gonna happen.”L
Red says, “Daddy said maybe he might get rid of the couch in the sitting room where I sleep and get a daybed or couch with a bed in it so I can have a bed to sleep on when I am there.
I say, “Well, would that be your room then?
She says, “Well that is where I sleep.”
I say, “What about Hively?”
She says, “Well he usually only stays one night there and one at Mamaw’s so I am there more than he is but if he wants to sleep in the bed with me I will let him.
I just make a “ohhmmmyeah” type of sound.
Hively says, “Daddy’s computer has a big nice screen.”
I say, “Oh Daddy has a computer? Do you play on it?”
He says, “No, because it is upstairs and we can’t go up there and play because the little half brother cries for us to come down and play with him and we have to.
I say, “Oh isn’t that supposed to be your room?”
He says, “Yeah” very discouraged like and we quit talking about it.
Just a few conversations that took place in our home over the holiday weekend. Then we went to my sisters and played with our puppy Edmund and visited with cousins and had a beautiful lunch and a great day with the people we cherish most in this world.
I also told Red that I remember Easter 10 years ago. When I was pregnant with her and it was at the start of April and a few days later she arrived. It was hot in early April that year and I was massive and anxious and excited about my beautiful baby coming into my life. I can’t believe she is going to be in the 2 digits, a whole decade old. I’m sure I will have more to say on that soon but right now I must go because I am sinus infected sick and I must get to my doctor appointment.
P.S. A piece of advice, if you are sick, stay home from work because you are going to get me sick and I only have ½ the vaca/sick time as you but because I am a single mom with 2 kids on Spring Break Vacation, I don’t get to lay around the house sick and resting like you do. So for the love of all that is good in this world, use a few days of that 4 week vaca/sick plan of yours and stay home if you are sick!
He Thought He Was Being Funny!
Have y’all seen me? I am not a very vain person. Carly Simon was definitely NOT talking about me. That is for damn sure.Sure, I feel I am fairly attractive, I try to put in an effort (see here) to be presentable but as far as holding myself to the typical standard of beauty, I don’t do it. I may be overweight but as I said, I still feel I am attractive enough regardless of this one minor issue. I am one of those analytical types who believe our society puts too much emphasis on “typical” beauty when the true beauty of a person is so much more than what you see when you look at them. As you know Red is coming up on 10 years old and this is a philosophy I have always tried to instill in her. I am quite proud too, because in spite of her emersion in the Hannah Montana/HSM entertainment world, she actually seems to get this. She is not vain either. She looks nice and clean and presentable when she walks out of the house but she is also nice and kind hearted and has a vast repertoire of friends and tries to get along with everyone she is with. Some girls in her grade have began being “catty” but she is not and this makes me proud. Proud of whom she is and proud of the job I am doing with her. But I digress, back to the topic.This week we (The Hub) got on this kick of checking our “Real Age” by taking this (http://www.oprah.com/health/lifestages/realage/health_real_main.jhtml) Dr. Oz test. Yes, as I said, I am overweight, I don’t eat or exercise as I should, I don’t take vitamins or meditate daily and “hello” I am a single mother of 2 young children so we can safely say I do have a LARGE amount of stress in my life. So I knew I just knew I was safe to assume I would rate a good 5+ years older in “Real Age” than my actual age is. I was just about dead on. I was 5.25 years older than 33 ½. So, thanks for the advice Dr. Oz, the advice you give is truly helpful and I may try to find time in my life to implement some of the changes you advise. However; if I do this, it will be for purely health related reason, it has nothing to do with appearance and how I feel when I look in the mirror. It is all about how I feel, period. When I look in the mirror, I do not see a 38 year old woman. I see me. Actually, I am very young at heart and I see a younger person than even 33 ½. One of the things about the demise of my marriage that always left me saddened was the fact that I would not be growing old with someone who would look at me and see the 18 year old I had been when we met. Not because I am vain…but because sometimes on a bad day when you are feeling, fat or old or ugly it is nice to look into the one you loves eyes and know they see the person you used to be. No matter how old you grow with a mate, I think in their eyes you remain the person they saw you as when they fell in love with you. And this is a nice thing on some days.Okay, so as I said I took this little quizzes results in stride because I expected the result I got. Then I took Red and her friend to see High School Musical – On Ice and as we exited the arena and past the wall covered in famous musical icons, I proceeded to impress the girls with my knowledge of each of their names. As we got to the end of this hall and came to the desk where a security guard stood, he looked at the two 9 year olds and said, “If you were 40 you’d know all of them too.”As he said this I was right beside him and without even thinking, I smacked him on the arm and said, “I AM NOT 40!” I think he may have been shocked by my hitting him and he said, “Oh, sorry, 30….20.” I said, “I’ll take 20 THANKS!”I felt like crap! Do I really look 40? I don’t see 40 in my mirror every morning but maybe I am wrong. I see that he was trying to be funny. I kinda felt bad for my reaction at first but the more I think about it, the more I think I hope he got a bruise from that smack. He wasn’t funny at all and I actually hate him a little now! He made me question myself and who I am and for that, he deserved the hit.
