Hey Little Girl Scout Can I Buy A Cookie?
| Red answers the phone and says: |
| No I’m not selling cookies. |
| No I don’t have a Troop. |
| No I haven’t had one all year. |
| Her father of coarse! Why would he know this tidbit about her life? That would require communication that meant something. That would require him having an interest in “her” life! |
| When she hung up, she said he told her to be sure and bring him her cell number so he can call her. I have issue with this. Why does he need to be calling her on her cell using up the minutes on our contract? All while I am footing the bill! He knows the house number, he needs to call her here.
Dumb ass! Doesn’t he realize the only reason I broke down and agreed to give my 10 year old a cell phone is because he nearly killed her brother 3 months ago while they were in his care? And so she can be in contact with me during all the difficult visits they have to attend there. So sad – but so true! |
Just Call Me Dear Abby-
Sunday about 20 minutes after the kids got home from their dads, my phone rang. It was him. He was calling to say that he doesn’t know what to do with the kids, especially Hively. Really that is funny, what could the problem be?
It seems that my children are not happy there and that Hively in particular is having issues dealing with the little half-brother there. (He is just over 2 and they as we know are 10 & 8.)
He said he needed advice on how to deal with this situation.
My advice was simple:
You have created this situation and you need to figure out a good solution.
You can’t expect older kids to want to spend a full 48 hours every 2 weeks playing with the baby.
You must recognize that Hively is a mini you and so you know his personality and how to deal with it better than anyone.
You also must recognize there will always be jealousy in that relationship and that is normal. The jealousy will be from both of them but even worse from Hively because the brother is a boy and he is also and it is hard for a boy to not have a dad around.
He did appear to understand all these things and agree with me mostly.
He went to this place though – I told them when I was a kid and my brother and sister were younger and they bothered me…..
At this point I had to cut in and say, “That is irrelevant here! You do that all the time and you don’t seem to get that this situation for them is different from any you had as a kid. He isn’t a brother that lives with them full time and that makes it different!” This is the same issue I had when he called asking me what to do about Hively because he had punched him in the nose while they were wrestling. He made the comment, “If I had done that to my dad…” I was again irritated because his dad was a full time live in role model and not a play mate which is essentially what Red and Hively’s father is to them. He is not seen by them as an authority figure. I can see where he doesn’t get this because he has been such a miniscule part of their lives for so many years. But that is all on him and he needs to at least be adult enough to realize these differences in their upbringing and his own.
Also we had a brief discussion about Red and how she was unhappy to be there. I explained that she doesn’t want to come there anymore. When every other Thursday rolls around, she begins the complaints about not wanting to go. These complaints last until the pick up the following evening. He asked why. I said she has a life and friends here at home and she’d rather be here doing things she enjoys than there bored and lonely.
Another thing I kept quite was…isn’t it funny that the incident back in September appears to have been a sort of breaking point for them both. I know they need a father and in the long run some relationship, no matter how minimal will only help them in discovering who they are. But, it seems that they are both done with these bi-weekly visits that they have been doing for the past 6+ years. And who could blame them?
Baby Therapy – Administered By Kids Too.
I’ve had a pretty crappy week. Sure, my choice was elected president and aside from the fall out of the American economy I am employed but still, my week was less than successful! I read this post http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com/2008/11/baby-therapy.html over at one of my favorite blogs http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com. In which she speaks of life’s woes and how she will be spending a day in baby-therapy. I decided this was a lovely idea and since The Greek Goddess has not only baby therapy readily available, but also The Most Perfect Diva therapy she can off as well, so I left my job and headed to hers (yeah she is a stay at home mom and yes it is a job!) to be healed by this magical therapy she could offer me. Funny thing is it really works! I think Fat Bridesmaid is a frickin genius! Actually this has me thinking because I had such a horrible day on Monday that all I wanted to do was get to my kids. I knew that as soon as I saw them, I’d be better. And I was! I said to them as I pulled the car out of the school parking lot, “I am so happy to see you guys.” They looked at me like I had a third eye. I was so happy to see them and to be immersed in something that was important, in work that was worth while. To be with people who are important to me and always will be. I am so grateful for my children! They can be exhausting and too much work on most days, but they give me a purpose and meaning in life and for that, I love them every single day, but especially on the crappy ones!
Get to the polls and Make A Choice!
Hively came home with some baseball cards a buddy gave him, among them was a John McCain card. He made up a song to sing while he danced it around. It goes to the tune of Hail To The Chief:
You won’t be in the White House in January.
You aren’t going to win this election.
(Sure, it is short but sweet. Very, very sweet. Especially that he actually said Jan-a-wary, that was my favorite part of all. )
Red asked if you can keep running for The Office every 4 years or if there is a limit on how many times you can run. She also wanted to confirm that you can only serve two four year terms.
My point being, I am proud to be raising politically educated children. Sure they may grow up and vote for someone other than my choice but as long as they vote, I am proud. Voting is a privilege a lot of other countries would love to have. This is a privilege our ancestors fought for; especially our African American and woman ancestors.
So yes, I was up at 5:30 and at my polling place at 6:40 am and I gladly stood there and waited because I appreciate that I live in a democracy and I get a say in who I want to lead my country.
Do the same today – OK!
If you need assistance in http://www.govote.org/ is a great site. Just enter your zip and you get all the info you need.
You have until 8pm so get going!
Oh – and when you are done, don’t forget to collect your swag!
Starbucks – a free tall coffee, Krispy Kreme – a free doughnut and Ben & Jerry’s – a free scoop.
Innocence Lost! – Explaining Abortion to a 10 year old.
I am not a Dooce fanatic as MANY are! But I do enjoy her wit and check in on her weekly
(as opposed to daily where I go here: http://abrightfuture.wordpress.com/, here: http://mssinglemama.com/, and here: http://afatbridesmaid.blogspot.com/, and even here: http://mandysthirtysomethingblog.blogspot.com/)
to see if I can get a good chuckle. So it had to be divine intervention that I happened over to Dooce yesterday and caught this post…
http://www.dooce.com/2008/10/17/why-any-woman-who-intends-vote-mccain-should-reconsider
I say divine intervention because on Sunday evening I had an eye opening experience about just how wide spread & downright ugly this presidential campaign has gotten.
As we drove down the main road leading to our sub, and approached the corner of the side street we turn on to get into our street, there he stood. An older man in his late 60’s who I have seen there before. In any other situation I may think him a kind gentleman (because I have a soft spot for old men), grandpa type who I could just hug on and love. But in this situation, he stands at this fairly busy intersection holding a few signs stating, ABORTION IS MURDER, MCCAIN PALIN, PRO CHOICE IS PRO MURDER OF BABIES. You get the point! (I was a tad irate. Not because I support Obama but because this man was making a scene on publically owned property and if he wants to do so on his property that he owns that is alright. I myself have an Obama sign in my yard and I do not begrudge anyone that right, or their right to their opinion on whom the best candidate is. But not on public property while obstructing traffic at a heavily congested intersection!) So, as I pass his car (covered in signs & stickers also) I jotted down his license plate number. My intention to call the local police and ask them to speak to him, because I do not think his obstructing traffic with his political agenda is acceptable.
This is about where it began…
RED: That is not even true!
ME: What do you mean?
RED: THAT! What he says! It isn’t true.
ME: What isn’t true?
RED: I know what that is.
ME: [speechless]
RED: I know, and I know that is not the truth!
ME: Okay honey, tell me what you know.
RED: That Luke kid (a boy she was forced to do an assignment with – in which they had to pick a political candidate and do a fact finding paper on them. He threw a tantrum and insisted on McCain, she was upset because she wanted Obama.) said Obama says it is okay to murder babies and McCain says it is wrong.
ME: [still dumbstruck] What?
RED: And Emily said NO, Obama says it is between the woman and her doctor.
ME: What is between the woman and her doctor?
RED: When the baby is born, the woman and her doctor should get to decide if they kill it.
ME: OM MY GOD! NO! NO HONEY, NO! That is NOT what that is.
RED: [thoughtfully silenced] oh, okay.
ME: Neither John McCain or Barack Obama say it is okay to kill a newborn baby! That would never be allowed in this country. NEVER!
ME: This is why 10 year olds don’t need to be even thinking about stuff like this. You are all too young to understand this and you don’t need to worry yourselves with these issues. These are adult issues you don’t need to worry about. You need to not be talking about this anymore with the other children. Okay.
I kind of left it at that until last night when I had processed what had actually taken place and I felt I needed to explain further, from a more educated and prepared point of view.
ME: Honey you know abortion has nothing to do with killing newborn babies right.
RED: I did think that but now I know it isn’t that.
ME: You know last year when we discussed the way a baby is formed? The egg inside the mom, and the sperm that comes from the dad?
RED: [as she plugs her ears] EWWW, Yeah, Quit, Don’t Talk About IT!
ME: Well, that is when an abortion is done, when the two of them have just merged into each other.
RED: Okay.
ME: There are reasons for this. We believe God intends for every baby to grow inside the mommy and become a child. But there are reasons why this may be hard for some people. Some people who maybe aren’t ready to have a baby or whose baby may be sick if it is born. And that is what Obama thinks the woman should have a right to decide. But NEVER, EVER, EVER do they kill a newborn baby, that is NOT EVER allowed.
RED: Okay.
ME: Okay, and if this is brought up by other kids again just walk away and don’t talk about it. Also if you have questions about these things, please just ask me and we will clear it up for you. Okay.
RED: Okay.
That was the best I could do. My baby was walking around think woman and doctors just lightly decide to murder, innocent, beautiful, perfect little newborn babies! I was sad that I had to go this far in a discussion that I never wanted to have until she was closer to adulthood. With this one single conversation, my child was pushed a far way over that line where childhood ends. They are 10. They are just 10 years old! At 10, I was still playing with Barbie and making cakes in my Easy Bake Oven! Sure, it was 1984, Ronald Reagan along with Bush Sr. were running against Walter Mondale and Geraldine Ferraro. It was exciting because it was the first woman in the race ever. But, the media wasn’t so out of control and even though I was being raised by a Michigan Union Worker with a strong work ethic accompanied by an even stronger passion for the Democratic ticket, I was sheltered from all the ins and outs of the campaign. As most children I heard conversations between the adults in my life about why Mondale was better for the middle class and how Reagan was only going to help the rich. These were mere snippets though. There was no CNN that had a minute by minute debate blaring in the background for months and months on end, discussing every point from ever single Tom Dick & Harry that wanted to say how they see it. When we had classroom talks about the candidates and when we were assigned fact finding reports, there was no internet on which to do research. The facts we were given to sort through were all hand picked and looked at by the adults; before we ever saw them. And in my life, the teacher and my parents pretty much agreed on what I could be exposed to and what I couldn’t. Unlike today when the majority of parents are very open with their children and are happy to treat them as mini adults. It was a very different world back then and I am not prepared to raise a child in this new world.
All this comes on the heals of another issue. A different little boy told Red last week that she needs to be on a calendar supporting Lesbian Month with a picture of her and another little girl making out. Also, this left me disgusted and speechless! What are these parents discussing in the presence of them? Does no one at all support me in the pursuit to keep my children innocent as long as possible?
Right now, I am hating 5th grade! I do know enough to know this is only the beginning. And this leaves me just plain sad!
Parents are the bones on which children sharpen their teeth. -Peter Ustinov
Tooth decay was a perennial national problem that meant a mouthful of silver for patients and for dentists a pocketful of gold. ~Claudia Wallis
I am poor. My children are toothless. As a result, of this toothlessness, I have no $green$!
Seriously! This is an issue people.
At Hively’s last dental cleaning, I asked the dentist to look at his bottom front teeth. There was a fully grown-in permanent tooth behind his baby tooth. It was all crooked and bad looking. The dentist said it was fine and the baby one would come out. I questioned this because I always thought the permanent pushed the baby one out and if that hadn’t happened, how would the baby tooth come out all on its own? (It wasn’t even loose.) Red had a Dr. Ortho Donto (her term for him) appointment the next week and since Hively was with us I chose to just ask his quick opinion. He said, that baby tooth absolutely needs to come out so the permanent tooth can move into its appropriate space. He kindly wrote me an instructional note to give the dentist regarding his professional opinion. We made the return appointment, we saw him, he wasn’t happy that I had questioned him, I am sure this was a blow to his ego but I had to do what was best for my child right? Hively had the tooth pulled and it was a bad experience. Poor kid he was scared to death and it hurt. When the tooth was out, it was about 1.5 centimeters long. The roots on that thing were so long, it was obvious to me that it wouldn’t have ever come out on its own. A few weeks later, the $50 bill came in the mail. Usually his dental coverage is great and covers all things. But apparently not tooth pulling, when the mom insists on it. Most likely, because the dentist is offended by such a mom as this.
Since this incident, Hively has had his two front teeth hanging on for months. He refused to eat favorite foods, to smile, to brush them; he basically refused to do anything that would result in them falling out. No matter how many times we discussed the tooth fairy and money and the benefits of pulling them. Nope he wasn’t touching them and he wasn’t even opening his mouth so we could touch them either.
On Tuesday as I sat at work, my cell rang. It was the school office. Just calling to let me know that Grant had been hit in the mouth with a soccer ball and was now front toothless. I think the caller expected me to be concerned. I laughed. I was not concerned, I was relieved! I don’t have $100 bucks lying around to pay the Egotistical Dentist to pull them out. The only unfortunate part of the story was that he lost the teeth, in tall grass on the playground. He and his friends tried to locate them, but they were gone. He was very concerned that the tooth fairy wouldn’t come because the evidence was lost. (I fell asleep!) He forced me awake and had a very angry look! She hadn’t come! (Shit! I am a crappy mother! Tired and crappy! Not a “magical rockstar” moment for me!)
So, I smoothly said oh wait it is over here and he bought it. Or he was so happy to get $10 he pretended to be conned. So he is 10 dollars richer, I am poorer still but at least it was cheaper than the dentist pulling them.
Last night I rushed them off to bed, because I wanted to watch Survivor. After the, I love you’s & sleep goods, were over. I sat down to watch a Gabon elephant encroach upon the Fang camp. Then, Red pops up and into the bathroom. Next thing I know…”HA, HA” she cries! “I did it! I pulled it out!”
WHAT?
Another $5 to a kid and no lunch money for mom!
Don’t these little monkeys and their monkey teeth know we are in a recession?
FALL!
On cool, fall evenings in the mid-west, people head outside. The nights are getting colder, the leaves are changing color and the humans sit around warming to the glow of hot embers.
If you are fortunate enough to know a friend who is located somewhat rurally that has a fire pit, you have spent time by a bonfire.
For me, this past weekend was one of these experiences. The Greek Goddess does live in such a location; she has an awesome yard, backing up to a wood and big enough for a fire pit.
Every year about this time the invitation is sent out.
Bring a chair and a dish to pass along with your hats, scarves, and gloves because we are welcoming in the cooler weather. She always has weenies to roast and tons of hot coco and her husband God bless him, can build a fire that would make any eagle scout jealous.
She is so good to me that she asked when my kiddos would be around for the weekend. She gave me a couple of dates and I assured her that they were around for both. I was wrong! She planned the roasting & toasting for this past weekend but as you know, the kids were off at their fathers. I had gotten so mixed up in my dates and weekends while Hively was sick and then the ex had done a trade and I was just all bass ackwards. I apologized profusely because how horrible am I? She planned her gathering around my children and I giver her bad info. Thank God this person loves me because she didn’t hold this against me and even went so far as to still allow me to attend as a solo.
I told her it had to be on the down low though because my kids would kill me if they knew what I’d done.
I went and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I played with her 2 year old whom happens to be my favorite Diva on earth, I held her baby who happens to grow more lovely and fair every time I visit with them. There were many adults and a few kids and it was a great time for all.
I climbed into my car to head home and tossed my lawn chair into the front seat, wanting to avoid the hassle of opening the back hatch of my van.
Sunday I was tired and didn’t venture out at all, choosing to use the day to re-coup from the previous two late nights and for the week ahead.
Monday morning the kids beat me to the car on our way out to begin the week. They caught me! They saw the lawn chair and the jacket, hat, scarf & gloves. They immediately deduced “bon-fire”!!! “You went to a bon-fire with out us?!? How could you?” They cried. I tried to say no, never, I don’t have any fun while you are gone, I’d never do that without you. But it was too late!
Parenting smart kids is too hard, they catch you on everything!
JUST SAY POLICE TALKING US!
After that last convo with the ex, I had to prepare my kids. I knew from past experiences that when I make any mention of things said to me, the result is, the next visit involves an interrogation. A very unfortunate incident involving this situation occured a few years back and I have remained mum ever since. I want them to talk to me so I keep what they say to myself and try to give helpful advice for how they can handle themselves and their reactions in the situations that frustrate them at his house.
On Thursday evening I sat them both down and explained that since the last visit and the things that happened caused Hively to end up in the hospital, I had NO CHOICE but to speak to their father about what they had told me. Red was most concerned because apparently when these situations arise they have been separated from each other in a room with the dad and step-mom and asked what they said to me and why they said what they had.
RED’s first response was: “And, What did he say? That none of it happened?”
(Such a brilliant 10 year old! I do adore her!)
ME: Yes and he also said he was going to talk to you about it.
ME (again): I add, “If you need to get out of the interrogation, just say I made it all up and you said none of it.
(Anything to get them out of trouble with him!)
They both looked at me funny and said, “What is that? Interrogation?”
I laugh because…how do I explain that word?
ME: You know how when someone is in trouble and the police talks kind of mean to get them to say what they did, that is called interrogating. So if that is going on and you need to get out of it, you have my permission to just say you didn’t say it.
RED: NO! I am not doing that! I am telling him!
HIVELY: Yeah, they were mean to me.
(I know if one is going to sell me out it will be him!)
ME: Well if you need to get out of the interrogation – you know it is fine with me if you need to tell him that.
RED with the most quizzical look on her beautiful face says: Can’t you just say “police talking” us?
And that is where the “serious” discussion ended.
Saturday morning Hively went to the University of Michigan football game with his dad and
he called me from tailgating beforehand to tell me he was fine.
So, I may be “just okay sometimes” but I am still a Magical Rockstar Mommy and he didn’t want me to be too worried. I must say I do love him for that because it did enable me to have a better weekend.
Last night they arrived in a great mood and when I did mention if the “police talking happened” they said it had not. In the car on the way to Shitsilanti on Friday evening he simply asked them if they thought Hively had been treated badly the previous visit. They each said yes and that was it. I also asked Hively if he apologized and he told me he did say, “I am sorry you felt that you were treated badly.”
So, maybe things will be alright after all. Maybe his guilt helped him to learn a valuable lesson and that is a great thing for my kids!
OH and lastly – THANKS! To all of you for reading and praying and caring. Your support means more than I can tell you.
Tried to kill my son – Part 3
CONCLUSION:
I need to wrap this up as the first visit since this ordeal commences tonight at 6pm! UGH! You all need to pray for my babies as they are gone over the next 48 hours. And for me, the mama sitting at home and trying to function through my fear for them.
AHH – Justice System who has the best interest of my minor children in mind – how I love thee!
As Red and Hively talked the tale unraveled, and I was left with nausea.
On Friday night, Hively had been unable to sleep but just lay on the couch (because neither if them have a room there and he has no bed there) and flipped through television channels for hours (WHAT? What channels honey? Have y’all seen what can be found on a cable channel in the wee hours?) before daddy came to check on him. My children have always told me that they will never go get their dad if they wake in the night. They fear being in trouble from their step-mother because going into get their father may wake the brother who does have a bedroom located adjacent to theirs.
On Saturday they went to Chuck E. Cheese (this is why you should avoid this place with your off spring! Especially on the weekends when “part-time” parents go there because they are the “fun” parent). Hively says he made a few trips to the restroom while there because he thought he was going to throw-up. He also says that while in the over-head climber he couldn’t move around because he couldn’t breathe. Back at the homestead, there was an incident where Hively did throw-up. He was yelled at and had paper towels thrown at him and was made to clean up his own vomit. He was followed around with Lysol and everything he touched was sprayed down, as well as requiring him to obsessively wash his hands and stay away from the little brother there. Then on Saturday evening around 9pm Red gave Hively her bed to sleep in for the night. He was coughing and coughing. (I have been the primary care giver for 8 years of his life. For 6 of those he has had diagnosed Asthma. I am confident if I had heard that cough I would have known it as his “asthma cough”. This cough is when I step in and intervene with a puffer, with a breathing treatment, with a doctor visit.) Red proceeds to tell me that while this coughing was going on, the step mother said (something along the lines of), “Great, how are any of us going to get any sleep tonight with that going on?” Yes, that is right. My child was in respiratory distress and she was concerned about her beauty sleep.
On Sunday morning is when I was called and this story began. Except for the minor detail where Red was left at the house with the step mother and brother. They went to get the step mother some breakfast from Burger King (no, not my daughter, just herself.) When my son was admitted his father called there to tell her to bring Red up to the hospital so I could get her back home. She had her sister-in-law come over to keep the brother and when they were talking something was said about me to the effect of why would I be mad about having to come over there and the step mothers response was, “who knows it’s HER, SHE gets mad about EVERYTHING.” In front of my daughter who was already scared and nervous because her brother was so very sick, adding to her anxiety to be worried about me and was I going to be upset when I arrived there.
These people are a joke! After I came home and was SO PISSED! I would not talk to my ex. And he KNEW why. But it took him a few days to come out and ask if I had a problem. I simply said I did but I needed time to calm down before discussing it. He then proceeded to harass me into talking then and there and I proceeded to not answer my phone because it was in EVERYONES best interest for me to cool off before the discussion took place.
As I said at the beginning of this conclusion, the next visit is upon us so this week I had the discussion. Where, I tried to remain non-accusatory and non-confrontational. Where, he denied any wrong doing, going as far to say he would do nothing different. Where, he denied a lot of the things both children said happened. Where, he even went further and called back for a second discussion because he asked his wife about her comments and place in this story and she also denied saying any of these things. And finally where he accused me of feeding these tales to my kids and could I please not do such things because he is their father and he does love them and he would do anything for them.
Yes, this man truly believes he is in the right in this story. This man truly believes he and his wife are “GOOD” to my babies. This man truly believes that “claiming” to love someone and “claiming” you will do anything for them are enough, that actual actions are just a bi-product.
So the tale is done and over I hope. We have made a mutual agreement that if my children are sick they can just stay home and if they get sick while in his care he will contact me and bring them home. We will just have to wait and see how long that holds out…….…and pray!
– PRAY A LOT!
Tried to kill my son – PART 2
He was calling to tell me that the hospital staff is saying they will be keeping my son for at least 48 hours. Great! I didn’t pack for 48 hours. Why so long? But still he insists all is really fine and they are just over reacting.
I am fine to buy this and convince myself this is truth as I drive there because it is an hour trip and I can only get there as fast as my car will go.
I arrive, and my baby is in a room. He is being given constant oxygen, Albuterol treatments every 2 hours and steroids through an IV every 12 hours. Plus a constant Potassium drip because apparently that much Albuterol causes your system to empty of Potassium making a constant replenishing necessary.
In the room are my son, my daughter, my ex-husband and his wife. Shortly after I arrive my ex-in-laws arrive as well. Also close by is my son’s nurse. She conveniently happens to be my ex-husbands new wife’s close friend. (When we divorced, I was faced with the option to stay in my ex’s home town where we had built our life up to that point, or go back to my home town where my family was. I knew I was not prepared to live in a town where I had to see these exact people on a daily basis. All of these people are THE reason I packed up my 2 babies 6 years ago and got the heck out of dodge!)
I keep asking the nurse if 48 hours is necessary because I just want to leave this nightmare and get my son back to his own doctors and our home town. I am going on the belief all along that my ex is right and these people are over reacting. She (the dear friend of the woman who stole my husband and my children’s father resulting in destroying our family) finally looked at me and said, “He isn’t going to leave here before Tuesday. He is a very sick little boy.” That is kind of when I got the first clue that this was all a bit more severe than I was being led to believe. Still, I am stuck in this surreal situation where I am alone with my sick child surrounded by my ex and his family.
Since Hurricane Ike was sending torrential down pours our way that evening, my mom got Red and headed back home. I stayed. My ex who has never been a selfless person says to me, “I can stay here tonight if you need to go home and sleep or go to work tomorrow, I can stay.” I just brushed this off because I wasn’t going anywhere. Later I came to realize this was his guilt surfacing. Guilt that he had let my son get so sick he ended up in the hospital. More on that later…
My ex-mother-in-law is a kind enough woman who offers me to please come to her home and shower and nap if I need to. I thank her and let her know I may do just that. My ex-father-in-law is a very ignorant man who chose this time we had together to make numerous comments on diet and exercise. Comments, that he meant discreetly, but were actually just as bad as if he had sat there, calling me a “fat-ass” while I was in one of the most stressful situations of my life. This should not have been surprising to me due to the fact that when my ex, his son, left me with two babies for a sleazy, tramp he had been sleeping with since my son was about 9 months old, he felt it acceptable to tell me a story of a man who asked his advice on how to get a wife and he told him to lose weight and clean himself up and that turned this mans life around and he got a wife and was well and happy. Once again, a little tale to avoid just coming out and saying, it was okay for him to leave you because you got too fat! Actually, one of the biggest fights my ex and I ever had (and there were some pretty BIG ones!) was over his father speaking rudely about his sister-in-laws weight. This was in the early days of our marriage and I was much thinner at the time but I found this highly offensive and I made the mistake of taking up for this woman and against my ex-father-in-law and my ex was so furious it led to a huge fight between us. This is a simple little snippet of the events I experienced and why it was so awful that my son had to be hospitalized there of all places.
The next day after very little sleep and being woke up about every hour. My ex and his father both arrived to sit all day with us again. His mother was at her home babysitting his and his wife’s son. This would be my children’s half-brother. After waking at about 7 and waiting for the doctor to come until 1130, I realized that because we weren’t at our hospital and our doctor wasn’t coming and I was waiting for a staff doctor who was seeing all new patients, I might as well go and get a shower because the doctor wasn’t coming in anytime soon. And I needed to get away from those two men!
I got to my car called my mom and boo-hooed like a baby! This was the worst experience of my life and it was only half over. My son was sick, my ex had allowed him to get this bad, I was stuck in a town I hate surrounded by people who I wasn’t comfortable with and I was exhausted. I then called my sister who said she’d be there the next morning. They both just listened and encouraged me but it wasn’t as good as having them with me.
I had to go to the store and buy something to change into because I hadn’t expected 48 hours. I then went to my ex-mother-in-laws house to shower. She offered a nap, I said no thanks. She offered food and food money, I said no thanks. She insisted, I said no really I have my own money. She insisted again so I took it and got a sandwich. (I bet her husband wouldn’t have advised that. Me eating I mean!)
I went back to the hospital and stayed. Hively was better, the doctor had been in and didn’t have any new news. Things got better, Hively improved and on Tuesday morning my sister came to sit with me. God bless her! I honestly can’t tell you when I have been happier to see somebody. Hively was happy to see her too. He interacted more when it was just he and I or when she came than all the time they were there in the room with us. Later that morning when the doctor came in he released us to leave. HOME! We were heading home.
We got home and got settled, we beat Red home from school and then when she got home we went to my moms for dinner. This is where the story of Friday night and Saturday began to unfold. A story that had been told and kept from me until I was home; away from the targets of my wrath!
